In Search of a Mary Christmas

I shared this article two years ago and am sharing it again as a way to help me focus my attention on Christ this Christmas. I wrote this article for the Daughters of Promise magazine in December of 2016.

In Search of a Mary Christmas

I love Christmas. I love the music, the whispered secrets, the yummy food, and the glittering lights. 

I say I'm celebrating the birth of Jesus, but sometimes when I'm scouring Pinterest for craft ideas, printing off another Christmas cookie recipe, and sighing over the pictures of beautiful table decorations in the pages of Southern Living, I wonder what Jesus would think of my celebration.

Is my Christmas any different than society's holiday? If you evaluated my calendar, credit card statement, and to-do list what would you discern about my priorities? Would you know that the goal of my Christmas (and my life) is to lift up the name of Christ? I might not max out my credit cards or wake up with a headache from the spiked eggnog, but too often my Christmas is centered on me.

There must be more to Christmas than uncounted calories, the pressure to find the perfect gift, and a dozen opportunities to catch the latest version of the flu. Unhappy with my me-centered holiday I began to look for ways to have less worry and more worship in December. I studied three women in the Bible named Mary who knew Jesus while He was here on earth. These women's lives were changed by Jesus. Maybe my Christmas could be changed by their stories.

Mary, the Mother of Jesus

With the angel's words, “thou art highly favoured, . . . thou shalt bring forth a son,” (Luke 1:28) Mary's plans shattered. To mother the Messiah, the Promised One? This honor meant the end of a normal life for a Galilean girl, but Mary shows no hesitancy. Her answer was immediate. “Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word.”

Mary did not base her decision on what was popular or what would promote her in the Nazareth society. Carrying this baby made her the next possible victim for a public stoning. Mary gave up her dreams of a perfect wedding and the expectations of her firstborn's birth. Because of an oppressive tax law, her baby was born far from home in crude surroundings without even the comfort of a mom or sister to assist with the birth. That first Christmas wasn't twinkling lights and warm, fuzzy emotions. While Mary traveled from Nazareth to Bethlehem to Egypt and back again, I wonder if she was tempted to compare her crazy life with her friends' “perfect” lives.

Last year I waddled into Christmas with a due date in early January. My calendar was full with weekly prenatal visits. I had zero energy, limped with every step, and looked like I should stay home with an ice pack and a Tylenol. But I enjoyed a more peaceful, less frantic, more meaningful Christmas than usual.

The difference? Expectations.

Our culture places a lot of expectations on us women. I coddle daydreams of the picture-perfect Christmas: crackling fires, ten kinds of Christmas cookies, and a fun schedule with holiday concerts, cookie swaps, shopping, family reunions, and church events. When I can't keep up, I start comparing myself with all the talented ladies who appear to get it all done.

The disappointment of dashed expectations curdles the enjoyment of December and is often the enemy of my peace. But last year I felt no pressure to attend every event possible. I made plans with the caveat “if we can make it.” I didn't expect to do everything, so what I did accomplish was a treat, a gift. And for once I wasn't comparing myself with others.

Alexander Pope said, "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." He might be right, though I prefer David's take on expectations. "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him." (Psalm 62:5) 

There is One, only One, who never disappoints. If I, like Mary, “ponder these things in my heart,” maybe I can build expectations on the One who won't leave me feeling frustrated. I want to give up my idealistic expectations every year, not just when I'm nine months pregnant. 

Mary of Bethany

We all know the story of Mary and Martha and their sisterly spat on which was most important—preparing a meal or listening to Jesus. (Luke 10:38-42) Jesus said that Mary made the best choice—to sit at His feet. 

But how does that work when I have laundry to fold, dishes to wash, Christmas rolls to bake, and bathrooms to clean? Reading my Bible all day just isn't an option.

From other Scriptures in the Bible, we learn that Mary and Martha's house was a regular meeting place for Jesus and his disciples. I assume that both sisters spent many hours hosting guests. The fact that Martha was irked to find Mary shirking her duties on this occasion tells me that usually Mary was right beside Martha chopping vegetables and washing mugs.

Service can be a way to worship God. 

Jesus did not condemn Martha for serving food—just pointed out her bad attitude. Martha was “troubled” in her service. Maybe if Martha would have spent time listening to Jesus with Mary she would have served with joy. Gordon MacDonald said that “the inner world of the spiritual must govern the outer world of activity.”

Each day I make decisions on how I use my time. I need to choose between many good options to find the best, especially at Christmas. There are not enough hours in the season to do everything that I want to do.

Last summer I repainted a few rooms and discovered just how much Stuff we had accumulated. After painting, I added back to the room only what I deemed necessary or meaningful. We ended up getting rid of some furniture and many boxes of books, and rehung only half the wall decorations. Less Stuff gave a feeling of freedom, cleanliness, and quiet. (Though with six children our home isn't often clean or quiet.) 

Could I do the same with my schedule? What would my December look like if I shook out the calendar, dumped out all the holiday traditions, quit listening to the voices of obligation/guilt/expectation, and then added back to December only what was necessary, meaningful, and worshipful?

Does it mean I would quit baking Christmas cookies, throw out the candles, and skip the family reunion? Not necessarily. Those things can be part of living out my life of service and worship. I can bake cookies for a fun activity with my children. I can light a candle on the table and invite others to join in the warmth of shared conversation. I can attend a reunion and strengthen family ties. But I can also decide that none of those things will be priorities this year because, for whatever reason, God is calling me to lay aside this particular Martha activity to make time and energy for Mary worship.

Looking at my priorities may mean clearing the schedule of some enjoyable activities to make time for what is truly important. If my fun day of shopping makes me too tired for the church caroling in the evening, I haven't chosen well. If I spend my afternoon chasing the children out of the kitchen so I can create a lovely meal for guests, I have Martha's troubled spirit. When I'm racing the clock, my voice sharpens, my chest tightens, and I know my priorities are skewed. Except for rare times of true emergency, I don't think God meant us to live in panic mode.

I have a tendency to accumulate traditions. We make gingerbread houses one year and think we need to do it every year. But time is limited and to keep the schedule (and me) sane, I must eliminate something every time I add an activity.

I can also learn from Mary and Martha to accept others who have made different choices. What is overwhelming to me might be relaxing to another. I love that we are not cookie-cutter gingerbread ladies, and I want to enjoy each woman's talents without comparison or judgment.

Mary Magdalene

We know little about Mary Magdalene's past except that Jesus healed her from seven demons. (Mark 16:9) Mary Magdalene is listed with several other women and it is implied that they were women of wealth who used their own money to serve Christ and his disciples. These women watched as Jesus suffered on the cross, then took spices to his grave. Mary Magdalene found tangible ways to show her gratefulness to Christ, and she was rewarded by being the first to see the risen Saviour.

Mary Magdalene gave her wealth, her time, her comfort, her reputation—to serve Christ. She served extravagantly; spices were expensive at that time. Neither do I need to be ashamed to serve others with special touches that say, “I love you.” But Mary Magdalene wasn't serving for her own glory; she was serving Christ.

Christmas shouldn't be about me, but how often are my motives to impress others? How many of my holiday traditions stem from the pressure of obligation or bondage of approval? What is my goal—to have some great photos for my blog? Or do I aim to show the love of Christ by choosing activities that will nourish my soul and the souls of my family and others?

Every December we give homemade Christmas cards to the residents at a local nursing home. I can do this out of obligation, “I should do this.” I can do it out of pride, “Look what we are doing for these poor people.” I can stress myself out trying to make cards that are picture perfect (and end up making them all myself). Or I can allow my two-year-old to color a simple star with her favorite purple crayon and focus on giving the residents a smile. I know what Mary Magdalene would choose.

December may always be a busy month, but all three of these women named Mary had busy seasons. Mary, the mother of Jesus took several long trips when Jesus was small. Mary of Bethany hosted many guests in her home. Mary Magdalene served a hungry band of travelers. Yet all of them found time to proclaim God's grace, listen to His words, and wait for His presence in a quiet garden. 

I want to praise my Lord like Jesus' mother, rejecting all the expectations and comparison games that steal my peace. 

I want to choose the best and spend time with God's Word like Mary of Bethany. I want to give my time and possessions to serve Christ with joy like Mary Magdalene. 

I want December to hold less worry and more worship, less panic and more peace, less jolly and more Jesus.

How do you keep a Mary Heart at Christmas? Or any other time of the year?

The Dream Isaiah Saw

On Sunday after the song Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence, the choir immediately sang this song. I love the combination of words from Isaiah combined with a call to bow our hearts before the Lord.

The Dream Isaiah Saw
by Thomas Troeger

Lions and oxen will sleep in the hay,
Leopards will join with the lambs as they play,
Wolves will be pastured with cows in the glade,
Blood will darken the Earth that God made.

Little child whose bed is straw,
Take new lodgings in my heart.
Bring the dream Isaiah saw:
Life redeemed from fang and claw.

Peace will pervade more than forest and field:
God will transfigure the Violence concealed
Deep in the heart of systems gain,
Ripe for the judgment the Lord will ordain.

Little Child whose bed is straw,
Take new lodgings in my heart.
Bring the dream Isaiah saw:
Justice purifying law.

Nature reordered to match God’s intent,
Nations obeying the call to repent,
All of creation completely restored,
Filled with the knowledge and love of the Lord.

Little child whose bed is straw,
Take new lodgings in my heart.
Bring the dream Isaiah saw:
Knowledge, wisdom, worship awe.

And here is a chance to listen to the song. I love that the last chorus is sung acapella first, then sung again with the orchestra for a fitting climax. (Click over to the blog if you are reading by email.)

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence

Today we are back at the hospital for Ed's second infusion. Ed continues to improve, and his doctor is pleased with his progress in the past three weeks.

The biggest difference I see in Ed is that he is talking again. For a few weeks he had been so quiet, hardly able to hold a conversation and showing little emotion. Now he is back to his quick retorts and one-liners, making me smile with a deep quivering relief. I don't need anything else for Christmas.

Since Ed is feeling so much better, we've been throwing ourselves into enjoying December. The craft show this weekend was so much fun. I loved seeing old (and new) friends.

On Sunday we went to a Christmas concert held by a local community chorus at a beautiful chapel. This place holds sweet memories for Ed and I. We had been there numerous times when dating, including the Christmas Eve that Ed proposed. but we had not been there since we've had children. This year we decided to take our children to enjoy their Christmas program. The youngest grew bored and fell asleep, but the older ones enjoyed climbing the bell tower and watching the carillonneur play the bells.

And the music. Wow. I forgot how good it is to sit high in a balcony in a building with amazing acoustics and hear the waves of music swell up from the orchestra and choir.

Every year I have a favorite Christmas song. Last year I was struck by how much Christmas music refers to Christ's second coming. Maybe because I've been reminded so often this past year that peace on earth won't be truly found until Christ's return.

One of the songs sung was "Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence." This is an ancient hymn, but new to me even though I found it in our hymnal. In Sunday School we are studying Revelation, and this hymn reminds me of glory of Christ described in the first chapters.

So much of the way we celebrate Christmas is self-centered and commercial. This Christmas hymn reminds me of the awe found in the presence of the exalted Jesus Christ.

Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence
Translated from the Liturgy of St. James by Gerard Moultir
Hymns of the Church #202

Let all mortal flesh keep silence,
And with fear and trembling stand;
Ponder nothing early minded,
For with blessing in His hand,
Christ our God to earth descending
Comes our homage to demand.

Kind of kings, yet born of Mary,
As of old on earth He stood,
Lord of lords, in human vesture,
In the body and the blood;
He will give to all the faithful
His own self for heavenly food.

Rank on rank the host of heaven
Spread its vanguard on the way,
As the Light of light descendeth
From the realms of endless day,
Comes the powers of hell to vanquish
As the darkness clears away.

At His feet the six winged seraph,
Cherubim with sleepless eye,
Veil their faces to the presence,
As with ceaseless voice they cry:
Alleluia, Alleluia
Alleluia, Lord Most High!

Here is a recording of you want to listen. (If viewing by email you may need to click over to the blog.)

Review: In My Father's House and Silver Censers

Chris was confused. His mother has died, and he knows nothing about his dad. His life at the children's home is sometimes happy, but the strict staff members don't seem to care about his hurting heart. When Chris is hired out to a local farmer, his life becomes even more difficult.

 In My Father's House is a true story of a young man growing  up in western Maryland during the Great Depression. When Chris (not his real name) was an elderly man, he told his life story to Darletta Martin who recorded his experience of hardship, disappointment, and forgiveness. 

I recently lent the book to my sister. She said that the book must have been well-written because she couldn't stop reading even though she had work to do. Darletta had asked me to read her draft a year ago to edit for historical accuracy. Sometimes true stories have the well-earned reputation for being boring, but I stayed up late to find out what happens next in this book. Darletta is a talented writer, and I enjoy stories with local settings. Since there are so many children today who feel rejected, Chris' example of forgiveness is a valuable one.

Darletta has also compiled a poetry calendar called Silver Censers. For years she had gathered poems written by Anabaptist poets. With a friend's photography, she designed a daily flip calendar.



For over a year, this calendar has sat on my bedroom dresser. In the past few years I've been trying to acquire an appreciation for poetry. I've formed the opinion that poetry is best appreciated in very small bites. The short poems for each day have been perfect. Most are inspirational or based on Scripture and give me something to think on for the day. Ed claims to dislike poetry, but I find that he is usually the one who flips the calendar and reads the poem of the day before me.



The calendar includes poems by nearly 40 poets. I looked for my favorite poets such as Lydia Hess, Janice Etter, Elaine Gingrich, Christine Laws, Sheila Petre, and, of course, Darletta herself - but I was also introduced to many new poets. Not every poem is my favorite but with 365 options, I can find many to enjoy.

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You can purchase either In My Father's House or Silver Censers directly from Darletta Martin. Either one is $15.00 plus $3.00 for shipping. (Shipping is less for more than one.) You can email Darletta at dgdfmartin @ daystar.io (delete the spaces) to place an order. She also sales larger quantities for wholesale orders.

And if you like to hold things in your hands before a purchase, come to the Christmas Craft Expo this weekend. Darletta will be there with her books.

Book Review: Growing Toward the Sun

You all know that I'm always looking for good books for my children. Vila Gingerich offered to send me a copy of her book, Growing Toward the Sun (affiliate link). I've enjoyed Vila's short stories and was eager to read her full-length children's book.



My nine-year-old read Growing Toward the Sun and said, "This is a book about a girl like me." I thought maybe she meant that it was a story about a girl from a Mennonite family, but, no, she said "Celeste likes mystery stories just like me."

Not only does Celeste like mystery stories, but she imagines that she is the next Sherlock Holmes. She carries a notebook and writes down clues. Who stole Sharon's purse? Is it the same person that stole the school story books and the chainsaw? If you've read Harriet the Spy, you can guess the trouble Celeste's notebook causes.

When Celeste accuses a shopper of kidnapping, Celeste's parents attempt to rein in Celeste's imagination. I love the Celeste's parents are loving and firm without making the book preachy.

I don't like fiction stories written about Mennonites and Amish by those who have have never lived in that culture. But Vila is writing about her own upbringing in the midwest. Since Vila is from a different Mennonite background than my own, I enjoyed learning a bit about her group through her story.

I'm always a little nervous reading self-published books. I've read some that I was so distracted by the typos that I couldn't concentrate on the story. I would add a few more commas to Vila's book if I was editing, but Growing Toward the Sun is well-written with a professional cover.

I'm looking forward to Vila's next story about Celeste. You can learn more about Vila's books on her website and purchase Growing Toward the Sun at Amazon.

Grateful

Holidays are an opportunity for thoughts such as, Will this be Ed's last Thanksgiving? These thoughts can suck all the thankfulness out of the day.

Last year we didn't know if it was Ed's last Thanksgiving, but we were given another year. So I'm trying to enjoy today and not worry about next year.

That goal is much easier this week when Ed is feeling better than he has in weeks. If Ed was still declining, it would be much more difficult.

Yesterday we had a follow-up visit with Ed's doctor. She was pleased at his improvement. His mind is more focused than a week ago. We hope that the improvement will continue as Ed receives more infusions.

Since this visit was shorter than most of Ed's appointments, we took the children along and did some sightseeing in DC afterward.

We parked at Union Station. What fun to walk through this busy train station with its amazing architecture. Made me want to bring my suitcase and jump on a train bound for California.

Note for large families: The Union Station parking garage costs $15 for a whole day and has plenty of room for large vans.

Next door to Union Station is the US Postal Museum, which is part of the Smithsonian. We learned about the history of the postal service through the many exhibits.

The children explored the huge postage stamp collection.

Ed walked slowly, but he wasn't exhausted yet so we walked over to the US Capital building.

We were able to catch the last Rotunda tour of the day. We were here a few years ago, but I always enjoy the sculptures and paintings depicting US history.

Then it was the challenge of getting home. Thankfully, the Thanksgiving traffic wasn't bad. I still don't enjoy driving, but since Ed quit driving a few months ago, my skills have certainly improved. With Ed's coaching, I'm learning to maneuver in city traffic. But no one is more glad than me to arrive home.

Last week, a family day like this would have been impossible. So grateful for God's continued care for our family. 

Newton's Law and Prayer

Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object at rest stays at rest until acted upon by force.

I didn't plan to prove a law of physics the last few weeks, but I'm finding it hard to get back into blogging.

The past month has been hard. And I don't like to write about hard things.

Some of you have contacted me saying that you hope I'm quiet because I'm having fun with my family, but, just in case, you are praying.

Thank you. I've needed prayer.

I keep thinking about the post I wrote about asking for prayer for the things heaviest on our heart. So many of you have held us up in prayer this past year, and I know you are a safe place for me.

But this past month I was afraid that if I shared how things were at our house I'd spill out something like "Brain cancer is hard on a marriage." Or "I feel like I'm losing Ed by slow inches."

I'd rather write a book review.

Last month's MRI had showed what we thought was inflammation caused by scar tissue. We had decided to give it time to heal before trying more treatment.

Ed continued to feel well as far as no pain or headaches, but his fatigue increased. He struggled to concentrate which made it difficult to work or even hold a conversation. These symptoms are common for those with a brain tumor in the frontal lobe, but it was frightening to feel like I was losing Ed as his personality changed.

Brain cancer is brutal. It is not content to affect one area. Because the brain is the control center of the whole body, it can affect the whole being. For Ed it means that no longer does he have the motivation to conquer projects and initiate new ideas. Because of his distraction, he needs help to work through even common tasks.

Thankfully his memory has not been affected. We still have so much to enjoy, and I have blessings to count. But I also worry about the future and grieve our losses.

This week was Ed's monthly battery of tests as part of the research study he is participating in. On Tuesday we spent the day at the clinical center moving from one floor to the next for his MRI and other tests. We had planned to meet with his doctor the next morning, but before we left for the day, Ed's doctor told us she had time to discuss his MRI. There did not appear to be a huge change in the tumor (thank you, Lord) but the swelling had increased significantly. While it is impossible to know exactly if the inflammation is caused by the tumor or scar tissue, the signs point to scar tissue. Because of Ed's other symptoms the doctor immediately put Ed on a higher dose of steroid for the night and planned to discuss our further options in the morning with the rest of the team.

Instead of fighting rush hour traffic only to return to the city in the morning, we decided to spend the night at a hotel down the street. We were able to relax, enjoying window shopping in the ritzy shopping district. We try to make the best possible use of our "doctor dates."

In the morning we met with Ed's team of doctors. We decided to give Ed several doses of an infusion of a medicine that acts as a super-steroid. Typically this medicine works quickly to reduce swelling that is caused by scar tissue. Sometimes it can take weeks to get approval for this medicine, but Ed has amazing doctors. Ed was able to get his first dose in the afternoon before we even left the hospital.

This was the first time Ed has received any of his cancer treatment by IV, but it went well. A special blessing was that we had a Christian nurse to do the infusion. She told us that she prays each night for the patients she will have the next day.

I think we are already seeing some positive results of the medication. Ed seems a little more alert the past two days. Ed plans to get another infusion in three weeks and will probably have a total of four infusions. We pray that he'll continue to improve, and the side effects will be minimal.

So now you know why it meant so much to hear from a number of you this week. When I feel too weak to pray, God sends others to pray for us. Medical decisions are never easy - especially for someone like me who spends hours reading about drugs and their side effects. But once again we felt carried by God and knew His amazing peace.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. (Psalm 46:1-3, 10-11)