Sunday, May 21, 2023

One Name

I slit the envelope

and new checkbooks slide out. 

For the last four years, 

whenever I wrote a check

I saw our names together at the top.

Ed and Gina

But not anymore.

On these new checks,

my name stands alone.

Those first months after Ed's death

contained so many papers—

vehicle titles

electric bills

bank statements—

each with a name—his name—

that needed to be



I made phone calls,

handed over death certificates,

heard sympathies

from staff members who have done this often.

A couple, with names once connected,

now severed—

by death,

by choice,

by tragedy.

Each a story.

Now, my story.

I still say 

we, us, ours.

I want to imagine they will always be

our children, 

and this our house, 

the one Ed provided for us,

But I know that the future is just me

and the responsibility is mine

for my children and my home.

I don't like

me, my, mine.

I know they are God’s,

and He is here.

But I miss flesh and blood,

skin and bone,

paper documents

with his name attached to mine.

But I hold the proof in my hands.

A checkbook

with only one name. 

Is a stone in a graveyard

the only place to find our names together?


  1. For someone who has noted that she struggles with reading poetry, you write some lovely verse.

    It will always be both of you. Always. Hugs!

    1. I agree. This is a beautiful, heartfelt poem. It so clearly conveys your loss and your longing for your soulmate.

  2. Gina, thank you for sharing this! I felt grief and loss as I read this post. I care. May the presence of Jesus be a felt reality.

  3. That connection is something that cannot be broken.No one can take the beautiful memories that you have with your beloved husband.Our trials are moving us on to our heavenly home.I,too,am reminding myself of this today.

  4. Gina. WOW. Well written. Gave me goosebumps. Praying for you.

  5. What an amazing pouring out of your heart and sharing of grief. My dear mother-in-law still feels this way after 24 years. What a wonderful thing to know that our loved ones are in Heaven and that Jesus is always by our side.

  6. I am glad that you honoured us by sharing these vulnerable, honest words. It is a gift I don't take lightly. God bless you with His peace.

  7. Oh, Gina...I am so sorry, and while obviously can not feel your pain, feel it through your transparent and beautiful words. Hugs and prayers to you, friend. May you feel Jesus continue to carry you...even through this new stage of "alone" without your dear Ed by your side. Love you!

  8. I like this a lot. Thank you for being brave enough to name your reality.

  9. As a widow of nearly 17 years, I think you will likely always refer to "we" in certain situations, at least. It's how we are wired to think of ourselves. Half of a couple. Every little change, such as one name on a checkbook, makes the loss fresh again. I am so sorry!

  10. Praying that the love of Christ and His presence helps to fill an unfillable void. Thanks for letting us know how it feels.

  11. Well written, Gina.. 🫂

  12. Very real, I think u probably speak for others as well. You aren't weird, you're normal for your situation! 🌷 Like a further tearing and you cannot soothe it?

  13. beautiful, sad yet comforting

  14. Beautifully, honestly written

  15. Oh, what painfully poignant poem—thank you for sharing your talent as well as your deepest, heartfelt thoughts. Death is hard. Together we can hold and treasure Jesus Christ’s words in our souls, “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:” I cling to this promise like you but mourn with your heart. Some day death will no longer separate us from our most beloved ♥️. In that day we are promised, “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” May the Lord hold you in His arms until then.

  16. Words so well written about something so simple as a cheque yet you e managed to convey to your readers the sense of loss you feel. Absolutely beautifully written.

  17. Your words are my story

  18. Poignant, sad, heart-wrenchingly beautiful! May God continue to comfort you in these unexpected moments of grief.
    There are places where your names are still written together, one for the rest of time and the other for eternity. On your children's birth certificates and forever on their hearts.

  19. Beautifully written! Thanks for sharing with us. Love and prayers!

  20. A beautiful poem!! I can somewhat relate, my 36 year old daughter lost her husband and our hearts hurt with hers

  21. Thank you for sharing this ❤💔

  22. Gina this is just beautiful
    My husband Tony died 8 weeks ago
    Far too soon, and far too young ( at 63), but I know you would have cherished more time with Ed
    Your words capture so much of how I feel - this new life that we didn’t want and have been catapulted into

    For me receiving letters that refer to Tony as “ the late Mr G” sun up the sadness of my life now
    Thank you for sharing these words

  23. Believe it or not I still have you listed in my email contacts as Ed and Gina and I just have never had the heart to change it. I finally deleted friend from my contacts who passed in 2017. May you keep your trust in the Lord and seek Him always.

  24. Oh my, this is so well written!! It helps us see into your heart!

  25. Your poem is so touching and poignant. My husband died almost two years ago. The grief will always be there and the journey to being single again is such a challenge. Your posts are a blessing. May God bless you and your family.

  26. Gina, this is so well written and expressed... I hope you continue writing because you are a gifted communicator. As the anonymous poster before me stated, "your words capture so much of how I feel." The tears came because your words could be my own. At the same time, they bring comfort because I know you understand.

    The hours of making many, many phone calls to take care of details, and each time, the voice on the other end beginning with, "I'm sorry for your loss..."

    I fight against "me, my, mine," and yet I know that it is true and I cannot change it. I never knew how intensely I could miss something as mundane and ordinary as names on a piece of paper, but it is because of what it represented that it is now so painful.

    I confess that I don't always feel God nearby in this journey, and yet I know that He is. May we cling to His promise that He goes with us, will never leave us or forsake us, and we need not be afraid or discouraged as we go forward.

  27. Thanks so much for all your kind words. I admit to being scared to share it, hoping it didn't sound too much like whining. I'm sorry that anyone else has to experience this, but knowing that I'm not alone is comforting. May we encourage each other.

  28. No, not whining, Gina. Poignant and powerfully expressive of what is hard to find words to express at times, I imagine. Thank you for sharing it. I think of you often.

  29. This brought tears to my eyes, Gina. You and your beautiful family are in our prayers. What a comfort it is to know our our loved ones await us in Heaven with Jesus. May His Spirit continue to sustain you as you so faithfully live this life!
    Thank you for sharing this! ❤️

  30. Hi dear friend I think of you and the kids often and pray for you daily. I'll email you soon. God bless


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