A Fruitful Field

If you read through old blog posts from ten or so years ago, you'd find that I used to do a lot of homesteading-type activities. For example, we no longer raise chickens for eggs and meat.  Sometimes I miss it. Other times I'm willing to accept that my life looks differently than a decade ago. 

I wrote about this quandary for the recent issue of Commonplace. 

A Fruitful Field

 Soon after Ed and I became engaged, we toured the house that would become our home. A dusting of snow lay on the ground as we walked through the backyard to the one-acre pasture. I was smitten.

The house wasn’t perfect, but I fell in love with that pasture. I had spent hours of my childhood playing in a pasture like this. I could envision our future children scrambling over the rocks, playing hide-and-seek under the cedar trees, and picking raspberries.

A few years flitted by, and my vision came true. Now, when I walked through the pasture and avoided the clutches of brambles, I saw signs of childhood imagination. An overturned crate and a few jars marked a young lady’s store. Under a pine, old cans and a few rocks created a kitchen. High in the arms of an oak, a pallet was wedged, constructing a rough tree house. Our evening routine included picking burrs out of socks, rubbing lotion on poison ivy, and checking for ticks.

We attempted to make the stony field productive. We pastured a few steers and raised chickens. We dreamed of someday having a milk cow and perhaps even boiling maple syrup from our own sugar bush. But eventually the fence fell into disrepair, and the steers began regular visits to the neighbors. The chickens became dinner to some wild beast. We quit pretending we were homesteaders, and when visitors peered into the overgrown pasture and asked what we raised, Ed simply said, “Children.”

Besides, the steers weren’t the only ones pulled past the boundaries of our property. Ed and I pushed the stroller in Hagerstown, our nearby city, handing out Bible Study invitations and introducing our children to the concrete jungle. As years passed, Ed’s spare time became divided between work projects at a boys’ camp, Bible studies in prison, and sermon preparations. I remember Ed looking at the leaning pasture fence on a rare quiet Saturday and saying, “Maybe we should stay home and work, but the children are growing up so fast, let’s take a bike ride.”

Then brain cancer stole my husband. The children and I became dependent on others for daily sustenance. Fence repair wasn’t a high priority, and honeysuckle and wild roses prospered in our unruly pasture.

When I drove down the road I saw productive fields. A trim pasture with a quiet herd of black cattle. Tidy rows of peach trees. Orderly vegetables growing behind a picket fence. Lush acres of corn, soybeans, and alfalfa. All my life I have valued efficiency, productivity, and profitability. My personality finds value in what I do, what I produce, what I give. My pasture didn’t live up to my standard.

But I didn’t see slothfulness when I looked at that field. I saw memories. I saw suntanned creative children spending hours under blue skies amid waving wildflowers and weeds. I saw a dad who chose people over projects. I didn’t see regrets.

Sometimes I compare my productivity, my fruitfulness, with what I see in others’ lives. But there are as many ways to live a faithful life as there are ways to tend a field. 

Ruth gathered barley, elderly Elisabeth guided a well-respected home in Jerusalem, Lydia sewed for the poor, and Priscilla traveled with her husband to share the gospel while making tents. A praying invalid, a mother of toddlers, a grandma washing dishes, a teen sending a note of cheer – all are fruitful fields.

Whatever our age, marital status, economic position, or health condition, each of us can bear fruit. Because fruit bearing isn’t simply what we do, or how we appear to others, it is about connection to God, abiding in the Vine, and allowing His Spirit to bear His fruit in us.ⁱ 

Yes, obedience and surrender are required, and faithfulness isn’t optional, but we can’t conjure up love, joy, and peace on our own—it is the work of God.

Some days I feel like a weedy pasture smothered by burdock and thistles. Life is often harder and more complicated than I expected. I compare myself with that lush field of soybeans and wonder what I did wrong. 

Sometimes it is hard to know if my desire to be fruit-bearing is based on pride and people pleasing or a genuine desire for God to be glorified. But the important question to ask is, Do I receive the Word of God with joy and am I nourishing that seed? If so, my Master is pleased even if my field looks different from my neighbors.

I dream of someday repairing our fence and filling the pasture with spotted goats. Maybe I’ll have another little flock of hens to scratch among the red clover. But even if this field grew only memories and nourished children, it has been fruitful.

iJohn 15:4-5

First published in Commonplace - In Fields and Wood in Fall 2023.

He Shall Supply - Part 1

 I was going through some files and found this account that I recorded back in 2015. I had completely forgotten about it, and don't remember the details, such as what was the emergency medical bill. But I do remember that God had given me some experiences that bolstered my faith. I didn't know how much I'd need a strong faith for 2017.

“It might work out after all.” Ed pushed his chair back from the desk.

I looked up from my book. “You mean you paid all the bills?” I knew the balance of our checkbook. A new heating system and an emergency medical bill had depleted our savings. With the recent birth of our baby and taxes due, finances were tight.

“All of them, even the taxes,” said Ed. “I drained the checking account, but by the time the hospital bill comes, I'll have another paycheck. We might just make it—if nothing unexpected happens.”

I grimaced. I could guess what he was thinking. Two aging vehicles sat in our driveway. In the past, they had broken down at the worst possible times. What were the chances that one, or both, would choose this time to add some more bills?

Ed and our older children spent the next Saturday cutting wood. Late in the morning, Ed pulled into the yard with a pile of wood on a borrowed trailer. I expected them to stop for lunch, but our daughter ran into the kitchen with the empty water bottles.

“Dad wants to know if you can give us some lunch to take along. We're going to get another load.”

I threw sandwiches and cookies into a bag, and she dashed out. Soon the truck was pulling out the drive.

Later that afternoon, a tired husband and children came in from the woodpile after bringing home a second load. “Did the children tell you about our close call?” Ed asked.

“No. Did someone nearly get hurt?” I envisioned tragic accidents with chain saws and falling trees.

“Not that. It was the truck. The alternator went out.”

“The what?”

“The alternator—the part that charges the battery. I knew the battery wasn't charging so when I dropped off the load before lunch, I let the truck run. If I turned it off, I didn't think I'd be able to start it again. By the time I got back to the woods, even the turn signal wasn't working. When I turned off the truck, the battery was completely dead.”

“Then how did you get home?” I looked out the window to see whose vehicle he had borrowed.

“Well, your brother Eric happened to be in the woods too. You know how good he is with motors. And today we were cutting wood from the back of the wood lot—right beside the junk yard. We walked down to the junk yard, bought an alternator that fit the truck, and Eric had the tools to install it.”

“You mean it is already repaired?”

“Yes. And it only cost $20.00.”

Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? (Matthew 6:30)

Sisters Summer Reading Challenge Reviews

I'm learning to choose the right book for the right season. It is okay to set a book aside if it doesn't feel right for a specific time.  With that in mind, I enjoyed reading this summer. I chose some lighter reads, reread some favorites, and picked some nonfiction on heavy topics (like grief) that were short and doable.  The result was that, though summer was busy, I read more and enjoyed reading more than some busy seasons.

And please, if you don't read at all during a busy season (or any other time) don't feel any shame. These book posts are not to make you feel guilty. Charity and I read constantly. We might read less at times, but I'm not sure we are physically capable of stopping all reading. But if you choose to set books aside for a season, that is totally fine. No shame from us.

This post contains affiliate links.

Sisters' Summer Reading Challenge Reviews 

1. Read a book by a favorite author that you have never read before.

Charity - Gaudy Night by Dorothy L. Sayers

Sayers' detective novels have recently been a highlight of my reading. Gaudy Night is so much more than just a mystery. It explores what it means to be a woman, and if women can be both educated and intellectual while also being wives and homemakers. The mystery is so fun, and I loved trying to figure out "who done it." Gaudy Night is number ten in the Lord Peter Wimsey series.

Gina - Every Ocean Has a Shore by Jamie Langston Turner

It has been over five years since Turner published a new book. Every Ocean Has a Shore is delightful as all of her others. Three people are in a Chicago deli when it is held up. That day marks the turning point in each of their lives. The book flips between these three as they move to other states and begin a journey toward God. And we get to revisit the beloved Eldeen, a character in Turner's first book, Suncatchers, who has shown up briefly in nearly all her other books.

2. Read a book that contains less than 200 pages.

Charity - Women of the Word by Jen Wilkin

In this little book Wilkin brings us a case for Bible literacy and a how to study the Bible. She challenges us that we become what we behold therefore how can we become like God unless we behold Him through His Word? I definitely plan to keep this book close as I learn to study the Bible better. It is also a great guide to use when preparing a Bible lesson.

Gina - Crazy Busy by Kevin DeYoung

The majority of the chapters in this book cover a possible diagnosis for why we are "crazy busy." The last chapter gives the cure. (Hint: Find it in the story of Mary and Martha). I love that Kevin is a busy pastor and father of many small children who wrote the book to try to figure out why he was crazy busy and not because he had it all figured out. Crazy Busy doesn't try to help you become more efficient or manage your busyness, but confronts the underlying thought patterns that contribute to the craziness.  

3. Pick out three books that you'd like to read. Turn to the first word in each book, and read the book whose word comes first in alphabetical order.

Charity - The Robe by Loyd C. Douglas

I finally read this well known classic, and it was so exciting I couldn’t put it down! A young wealthy Roman is sent to Jerusalem during Jesus’ trial which leads to his encounter with Christ and his life is forever altered. Though I enjoyed this book, I don’t believe that Jesus’ robe had power, and I didn’t appreciate the biblical inaccuracies. 

Gina - Jack by Marilynn Robinson

Jack is the fourth book in the Gilead series. Each book in the series follows a different character, and I thought that maybe by reading Jack, I'd understand the prodigal son that played such an important role in the other books. But I didn't. I'm still confused about Jack's life choices. I have no idea how Robinson pulls so much life into such quiet stories. I'm amazed at her writing skill, though I don't think I'm smart enough to appreciate it fully and sometimes just feel confused. But if Robinson writes another book, (hopefully about Della), I'll certainly read it.

4. Read a book of the Bible and a write down the key idea from each chapter.

Charity - Micah

Why don’t I write down key ideas from each chapter I’m reading, every day? This challenge was absolutely wonderful! I am entirely too skilled at reading without remembering but finding out the key thought of a passage helps me stay engaged.  Micah may be one of those tedious minor prophets but it is so rich.

Gina - Nehemiah

Like Charity, I was amazed at the difference of reading the Bible with a pen and intention to write down the key ideas from each chapter. After reading Nehemiah, I went on to read Ezra, Haggai, and Zechariah since they were men who were teaching at the same time as Nehemiah.

I'd love to hear what books you read this summer!

Sisters' Fall Reading Challenge

Summer may have left us panting, but Charity and I are looking forward to our fall reading. We chose a variety of reading challenges for this fall that will both challenge, inspire, and comfort. 

This post contains affiliate links.

Sisters' Fall Reading Challenge 

1. Read a biography. 

Probably no other genre has impacted my life as much as biography. Reading about people from the past can teach, inspire, and warn. Some of my favorites are A Chance to Die, the biography of Amy Carmichael by Elisabeth Elliot, and Ann Judson by Sharon James.

2. Read a book set in England. 

I'm not sure why I think of England when I think of cozy books. Maybe it stems from reading James Herriot's books and being grateful to be warm and cozy in my bed while tramping with a vet in the brutal wind of the Yorkshire hills. Maybe it is the delight of detective stories by Arthur Conan Doyle and Dorothy Sayers. Or English authors such as Elizabeth Goudge and D.E. Stevenson. If cozy English cottages are not your thing, there are plenty of nonfiction set in England.

3. Read a book with a subtitle.

It seems that subtitles are all the rage in nonfiction. Titles seem to be getting shorter, and I find that I often choose a book because of its subtitle. Find a book with a subtitle that promises a topic that interests you. 

4. Choose a Bible character, study his or her life, and draw a time line of their life.

I'm eager to pick a person from the Bible, perhaps one whose life spreads over several books of the Bible, such as Paul or Moses, and dig into their life. Hopefully sketching out a time line can help me put their life events into the context of other events.

If you care to join us, we hope some of these ideas can breath some crisp fall inspiration into your reading life.

4 More New Books From Friends

A few months ago I shared several new books written by friends. Here are four more new books written by friends. (At least they used to be new. By now, some of these have been out for a year!) Each of these authors I have met in real life at least briefly. I not only like their books, but appreciate them as people. 

Unless otherwise noted, I purchased these books myself. I included ordering information directly from the author or their distributor. If you live in a Mennonite community, you can probably find them at your local bookstore. 

Or if you want to order several of these books, the cheapest option may be from FaithView Books. They don't have an website, but you can call and ask for a print catalog or order by phone.  

Coming Home to Roost is the latest of Dorcas Smucker's essay collections. I first learned to know Dorcas from her blog when she had a houseful of children many years ago. I've enjoyed each of her essay collections. But now, her last child has found her wings and Dorcas says this is her last collection of stories about her flock, though the door is always open for the returning brood. 

Dorcas' down-home wisdom has been an encouragement to me in my own motherhood journey, and I think this is my favorite of her books. In the last years, I've realized that there is so much that a mother can't write about parenting teens and young adults because the stories are not yours. I think that is why I've appreciated Dorcas's level-headed writing about her chickens, fabric collections, the old family van, while considering regrets, middle-age adjustments, and young adult conversations.

This is a book you can pick up and read in any order and would be the perfect gift for that older mom who is adapting to her own nest changes, though I think a woman of all ages and stages of life would enjoy it. 

Order Coming Home to Roost (and all of Dorcas' other books) at Muddy Creek Books. You can follow Dorcas along on her further journeys at her blog.  Dorcas sent me a complimentary copy of her book.

I've known Mary since she was a shy girl in our homeschool group, but it wasn't until years later that I realized that hiding behind the shyness was a lot of wisdom. Mary has written a number of books for women, but her latest book, The Girls Inside, is for girls. The Girl Inside tackles subjects that any Christian girl wonders about including relationships with boys, changes in her body, friendships, and more. 

Mary speaks bluntly, though with discretion. To me she feels like a big sister or kind aunt, reaching out to a younger teen in her life. I would place the target age for this book to be girls in their upper teens and early twenties, but I found myself challenged and encouraged as a mother of girls. It is refreshing to read a book that holds up a high standard for holy living without heaping on shame. The chapters on body image and thin culture are excellent. This would be a great book for a mother or mentor to read with a teen or for a girls' Bible study. 

You can order The Girl Inside from Amazon (affliate link) or Christian Light. Check out Mary's website for lots of book reviews. Mary sent me a complimentary copy of her book.

In October of 2021, seventeen missionaries were traveling home from a Haitian orphanage when they were kidnapped for ransom.  For weeks, my first thought when waking in the morning was, Is there any news from Haiti? I knew several of the missionaries just briefly, and I couldn't imagine how their families were coping as one week passed and then another without hearing anything about their loved ones. Like thousands of others, I rejoiced to hear of the group's safe return to their families.

Kidnapped in Haiti by Katrina Hoover Lee shares their story. Katrina interviewed each of the members of the group as well as family members and mission staff. Kidnapped in Haiti shares details from both Haiti and the US and Canada during the two months of their captivity. I read this book aloud to my children and found it very faith strengthening. God truly can sustain His children through difficult circumstances. (This is an adult level book, and I did a tiny bit of editing-on-the-fly to avoid a few heavier details that I didn't think appropriate for my youngest children.)

Purchase Kidnapped in Haiti directly from Katrina or from the publisher. You can follow Katrina's blog or sign up for her email newsletter to find out more about her writing projects. (This includes affiliate links.)

I've always loved stories that take me to lands I will probably never visit and show me sights I'll probably never see. Alison Stoltzfus carried me with her to a huge refugee camp in Bangladesh where she served with her nursing skills in 2021. This book was far too short, and I was sad it ended. Alison is skillful with words, and I loved her honesty about both her challenge of showing love in a new culture and climate and opening herself up to love back home. 

I'm hoping that Alison will keep sharing her talent and write more books, but right now she is a busy mother of new twins. You can read more of her words on her blog and get your own copy of How Beautiful the Dusty Road at Christian Light. 

When My Little Brother Gets Married

"How do you feel about Vaun getting married?" 

I've been asked this question countless times in the last months. And I never knew what to say, because three emotions are equally true.

1. I'm delighted that Vaun found a lovely woman to share his life. As one who experienced a wonderful marriage, I wish it for others.

2. We will miss Vaun. While others may guess, they don't truly know how much Vaun has done for us the past four years.

3. But while this will bring change for our family, we've weathered change in the past so surely we will again.

So who is Vaun? And why will we miss him?

Vaun is my youngest brother, born just before my twentieth birthday. Of course I dearly loved my sweet baby brother, but with the huge age gap, I didn't relate to him nearly as much as the brothers close to my age. I was busy and flying in-and-out of the house as twenty-year-olds with jobs and a full social calendar do. 

Vaun was six when I married and, in the coming years, he became an adored uncle to my children. They loved going to Grandpa and Grandma's house where Uncle Vaun and Aunt Charity poured attention on them.

Then Vaun grew up and became the busy teen with job and friends. He lived life on high gear, trying to fill his days with six more activities than he had time for.

When Ed was diagnosed with brain cancer, Vaun was in training for ministry in the Middle East. He spent almost two years teaching English to refugees. He returned home just weeks before Ed's death, immediatly sliding into a role of helping with Ed's care.

After Ed's death, Vaun was very deliberate in his care for our family. He spent every Thursday evening at our house, sometimes working on a house project, other times playing games with the children. He went on vacation with our family and took us on a volunteer work project. He spent hours remodeling a rental property for us. 

I battled a bit of guilt, feeling that Vaun had set aside his plans and goals for our family, though he claimed he was doing exactly what he wanted to do.

We had nearly survived our first year without Ed when Covid hit. Vaun asked if he could move into our house to help with some projects while he was off work. Our bedrooms are small, and he slept on a floor mat sqeezed between my sons' beds. But he stayed with us for the next three and a half year, until his wedding. 

I can't begin to describe all the ways Vaun helped us during those years. It was more than repairing the bathroom ceiling, making coffee each morning, and changing the oil in vehicles. My oldest turned sixteen the week after he moved in. We were entering new territory with new drivers, car purchases, phones, and jobs. Having another adult in the house was a huge gift. While I'm sure we would have muddled through alone somehow, I'm grateful we didn't have to. 

The children's attitudes were much better with an uncle around. But I'll admit that mine was too. For example, after Ed's death, it had been very hard to cook meals. I know it was silly because I still had six children to cook for, but the meals I placed on the table were rather pitiful. Vaun's arrival breathed new life into all of us, helping us care about things like a clean house and carefully prepared meals. 

Vaun helped my boys start a little mowing business, showing them how to send invoices and track spending and income. When my oldest son finished school, he began working with Vaun in construction, a job he seems to enjoy. Helping my boys find employment had been a worry for me.

Vaun joined us in our projects, taking us on trips and visiting our friends. But he also allowed us to join him in his projects. I was floundering to figure out my role in church and ministry as a widow, and this was such a gift. Whether it was sawing wood for Bible School crafts, planning meals for the TESOL class he organized, or planning a picnic for a Ukrainian refugee family - Vaun's enthusiasm for ministry pulled us into projects and expanded our lives in healthy ways.

I don't want to turn this into a eulogy, but i thank the Lord for my little brother and his willingness to come alongside our family. He claims to have loved the last few years, and I hope he has. We will miss his Saturday pancake breakfasts, his bedtime stories, and adult conversations. But we are thrilled that Emily agreed to be his wife and look forward to watching the Lord bless their commitment to Him. They bought a house nearby, and we hope to continue to be part of their lives.

Here is a glimpse of the wedding.

Dad was able to enjoy the wedding, though it was the week of his chemo treatment. So gratful for the good health he currently has. 

The whole clan! When you are the last of nine to marry, you have a large family photo.

The newest little ones.

Vaun and Emily with his nieces and nephews.

The nine siblings.

One of the songs we sang at Vaun and Emily's wedding was "Spirit of God, Descend Upon My Heart." This has been a favorite song of mine for years, but I don't think I ever heard it at a wedding. But I thought it was quite fitting.

1. Spirit of God, Descend Upon My Heart
2. By George Croly
3. 
   
4. Spirit of God, descend upon my heart;
   Wean it from earth; through all its pulses move.
   Stoop to my weakness, mighty as Thou art,
   And make me love Thee as I ought to love.
5. Hast Thou not bid me love Thee, God and King?
   All, all Thine own, soul, heart and strength and mind.
   I see Thy cross; there teach my heart to cling:
   Oh, let me seek Thee, and, oh, let me find!
6. Teach me to feel that Thou art always nigh;
   Teach me the struggles of the soul to bear,
   To check the rising doubt, the rebel sigh;
   Teach me the patience of unanswered prayer.
7. Teach me to love Thee as Thine angels love,
   One holy passion filling all my frame;
   The kindling of the heav’n-descended Dove,
   My heart an altar, and Thy love the flame.

Here is a video of the song arranged by Lloyd Kauffman.

Thinking About Summer Stress

 

Recently I flipped through last summer's planner to find some information. I read the notes on one particular week when I had two children with emergency medical visits (neither serious). Somehow just reading those notes in my planner gave me a feeling of panic. I could remember the stress of those weeks. 

And then I realized how much less pressure this summer has had. I'm not completely sure why. We are still very busy. Many of the activities from last summer are repeated this summer - even a sibling wedding. But I remember last year waking up on Monday mornings and almost dreading the week. I usually love Monday mornings and the anticipation of a new week, so it was unusual for me to feel discouraged on a Monday. 

I don't want to get stuck analizying the past, but this winter I did consider the last year and changes I could take to keep from becoming so overwhelmed. Life will always bring unexpected things (like those emergency medical visits) so I wanted to provide some margin to give a cushion.

I've become aware of how much I find fulfillment in being busy. I love planning events, sharing life with family and friends, and helping others. I can work fast and efficiently and get a lot accomplished. I like a bit of pressure, such as waking up and knowing that I have an hour to study for the Bible study that I'm teaching tonight before going out to pick the green beans. I'm slowly realizing that my personality finds so much satisfaction in activity that it is hard for me to build proper boundaries. It is hard to say "no" to things I love. 

For example, last year four of my siblings bought houses within just a few months. I love to paint. I wanted to spend time with each of my siblings helping in their new houses. My children are old enough to stay home by themselves for the day. But eventually it became clear that I just couldn't be gone multiple days helping paint and not feel the strain, especially if I was also involved in several others things that week. 

It seems silly that it is so hard for me to admit that I'm human and have limits. When I had babies, it was easier to stay home. Now I no longer have Ed to tell me, "I think you are doing too much." In November, after helping plan three events in three weeks (on top of quite a few other events in the previous months), I realized I had to listen to my stress level and be the mature person and start saying, "no" to things I really wanted to do. 

This year I made a simple guideline that I was going to place priority on serving in my local church and community. I know, that means I can still be quite busy, but it helped me turn down opportunities that were further away. My children aren't babies anymore, but they are still young enough that they don't like me going away too often. I want my children to learn the joy of serving, but they also needed to not feel like they always were given mom's leftovers.

Another deliberate choice I made this year was to look for ways to streamline tasks, even if that meant more work and time (maybe even money) upfront. For example, this spring I tore out some of my perennial flowers, planted some shrubs, and laid down mulch. This will hopefully save future hours. I've also tried to be more deliberate in menu planning and grocery shopping to avoid the last minute "what's for dinner" panic that I had fallen in. I've tried to work ahead on projects (like wedding sewing) to avoid last minute stress. 

I'm still not sure why I'm enjoying this summer so much. But this is only July. Maybe August will be frantic and frustrating and blot out the enjoyment of June and July. Many things are outside my control, and I want to learn how to have peace in times of unexpected stress. But I also want to recognize when change is needed. Even small adjustments can make a difference.