To North and Back Again

Two years ago, Ed asked the children where they'd like to go on a family trip. They chose Niagara Falls, a place neither Ed or I had ever been. Our vacation plans were abandoned when Ed was diagnosed with cancer a few weeks later, but after Ed's death, the children and I dared to dream again of a trip to Canada.

Our plan was to stay at state parks and tent. We spent three days camping in Virginia to see if we could manage tenting without Ed. I knew an extended trip with six children would be challenging, but figured we'd either rise to the challenge and have a bonding experience OR I'd lose my sanity and stagger home early. 

Then my brother offered us his RV. My children have fond memories of the year Ed rented an RV for a week-long trip, but I was not comfortable driving a RV. Siblings to the rescue. My youngest brother Vaun offered to drive for us. It was one more time this year that I had to swallow my pride and accept help, but by the end of the trip, I wondered how I ever thought I could survive a long trip as the only adult. 

We left early Tuesday morning. The children loved the extra room and flexibility that traveling in an RV brings. 

Our first lunch on the road.

We set up camp at Four Mile Creek State Park, NY right on Lake Ontario.

When we go camping, we always eat as many meals as possible over the campfire. I was glad Vaun was willing to join our tradition. 

We thought about doing some hiking at the park, but we knew we were only about fifteen minutes away from Niagara Falls. We couldn't wait one more day.

We found free RV parking on the far end of Goat Island. This island straddles the Niagara River between the American and Canadian falls. In preparation for our trip, I had talked to many friends who had visited the Falls recently. Without exception they had all stayed on the Canadian side of the falls (where the best views are found) and all mentioned how commercialized it was.

So I was pleasantly surprised to find that Goat Island, on the New York side of the Falls, had been kept very wild looking. We walked out to the Three Sisters Island and watched the pulsing rapids of Niagara River. In the distance we could see the mist from Horseshoe Falls. 

And then we rounded the corner and stood on the brink of the falls, watching millions of gallons of water dash over the falls every minute. The power of the water is indescribable.

We spent the rest of the evening walking Goat Island, enjoying sights of all three falls as the lights illuminated the falls. Since we were above the falls, we couldn't get the full view, but the feeling of power unforgettable. 

We started early  the next morning, parking at Fort Niagara and taking the free shuttle the rest of the day to various spots. The Niagara Power Visa was our first stop.

 This free science museum is provided by the New York Power Authority. I didn't expect much, but figured it wouldn't hurt to stop since it was free. 

We spent two hours enjoying the interactive exhibits and could have stayed longer. I've spent money for science museums that were not nearly this high of quality. And we almost had the whole museum (and their helpful staff) all to ourselves. 

View of the hydro-electric dams (Canada's on the left and New York's on the right.)

Next on our list was to visit the falls up close. We went back to Goat Island to Cave of the Winds. We were given ponchos and sandals and taken by elevator down to the base of Bridal Veil Falls. 

Here was built a series of platforms and stairs where we could climb and enjoy the power and spray of the falls. The Hurricane Deck was the favorite of my oldest four children. They were soaked. 

This was the only tickets we purchased during our stay at Niagara Falls, but it was a highlight to the children.

We planned to travel into Canada the next day, but we kept looking across the water at the Canadian side of the river. Finally we decided to just walk across the bridge and say we walked to Canada. 

This was the first time any of us visited our neighbors in the north (even though Vaun and I were both in several other countries half-way around the world). By this time the little girls were exhausted and the sun was hot, so after taking in the view from the bridge, we didn't even touch our feet to land and headed back through the US customs. (My children were all young enough they didn't need passports to cross the border but they did need birth certificates.) 

It was a rather quiet ride back on the shuttle as most of the children fell asleep. They revived when we stirred up the campfire and grilled chicken. For the second night in a row, it rained. I listened to the rain on the roof of the RV and thanked God that I wasn't in a tent.

The next morning we stopped at Whirlpool State Park and took a walk along the Niagara River. If only we had more time. We could have spent hours here. But we wanted to officially visit the Canadian side of the falls.

Unfortunately, by the time we got through customs and found parking, the light mist was turning into a heavy drizzle. 

The view of Horseshoe Falls (on the right) and American Falls (on the left) was obscured by the rain. After seeing what we could, we decided to move on. 

Our next stop was Welland Canal. Obviously boats can't go up the Niagara River so the canal shuttles traffic between Lake Erie to Lake Ontario. At the St. Catherine's Museum, we learned history of the area. (Museum admission by donation.) 

The museum also has a viewing area of the canal and one of the locks. We arrived just in time to see a large cargo ship go through the locks.

Our destination for the night was the Valens Lake Conservation Area. This park was our favorite campground of the trip. We didn't have any success fishing, but the campground had been carved out of woods with barely enough trees removed to park the RV. This meant lots of privacy between campsites. Even though we were only a short walk from the lake, the trees hid the view of the campsites from the lake making the lake seem very private. 

We watched the moon rise over the lake and only then went back to our campsite to build our fire and make our supper. 

Hanging out around the campfire the next morning was delightful. Most mornings Vaun made us chai. What a perfect mix of a Middle Eastern drink with Ontario scenery and my favorite Pennsylvania people.

We had chosen the Valens area to camp since it wasn't too far from some of my Ontario friends. Throughout the day, several friends joined us at the park.

Julianne and her boys joined us in the morning. Sharon brought her family in the afternoon.

Leona's family joined us for the evening. While we moms gabbed about books, motherhood, and homeschooling my children made new Canadian friends. Vaun was a good sport at chatting with my friend's husbands. 

The time we spent with people on this trip was a highlight. Some of these ladies I had never met in person and real-life connections are so much better than email friendships.

Rain threatened all day, but only really rained when we were making mountain pies. Thankfully the pavilion at the park had this huge cooker available.

Saturday we enjoyed another campfire breakfast and leisurely packed the RV. We headed around Lake Ontario, waving to Toronto. We stopped for lunch at a beautiful park by the lake where we were amazed at the cultural diversity. It was obvious that immigration is much higher in this area and I would have loved to hear the stories from the others who were enjoying the park.

Our children were eager to arrive at my friend Regena's home. Their family had been to our home several times so our children didn't need time to warm up. I didn't see much out of them for the rest of the evening.

The next day we traveled with Regena's family to church. The hour-long trip wound through gorgeous woods and lakes. What a way to prepare for worship.

We spent the rest of Sunday with Patricia's family. It was special to share our stories since the last time we met as they also have experienced death inf their family.

I had met Patricia before, but not her children, but our children weren't strangers for long. The beautiful setting of their farm drew the children in. 

On Monday morning I woke up in the RV back at Regena's house. This was the view of the river across the road from their house.

The boys didn't waste time after breakfast getting a canoe in the water.

I spent the day enjoying friendship while doing normal Monday tasks of cooking and laundry.

We enjoyed the famous French-Candian poutine that evening.

This dish includes French fries with cheese curds and gravy. Other toppings such as bacon, sausage, peppers, and onions were also available. The result was absolutely delicious.

On Tuesday our friends took us to Kingsport to Fort Henry. 

We enjoyed learning the history of the fort. It was interesting to hear history from a British/Canadian point of view instead of the American perspective which I've read in history books.

After lunch we hiked to Landon Bay Overlook. This is in the Thousand Islands region of the St Lawrence River. I tried not to watch my boys scramble down these rocks.

Most good things have to come to an end. We said good-bye to our friends in Ontario and crossed the river into the US. 

We set up camp at Wellesley Island State Park. The Thousand Island's region has many New York State Parks to choose from. We picked the closest to our route and were not disappointed. 

Very few other campers shared the park with us that night, but I was told that the summer can be crowded. 

The boys got up early and, with some hints from a fellow camper, finally had some fishing success with this 14-inch bass.

Sizzling fish made a perfect last campfire breakfast. We would have loved to stay longer, but home was calling. We were nearly to the Pennsylvania line when the RV began making ominous engine noises and losing power. We shuffled off the interstate and found a repair shop. They said they didn't work on large motors, and it was after 5:00 anyway. After numerous phone calls, we decided that all the shops in this small town were closed. After talking to my brother who owned the RV, we decided to see if we could get closer to home. 

I ran into the grocery store and restocked our food in case we were stranded in the RV for a few meals and we stumbled toward home. It was a long night. The children soon tucked into their beds. We avoided the interstate and limped through tiny Pennsylvania towns wondering if this was where the engine would totally stop. It guzzled down oil at an alarming rate, but a little after 3:00 we pulled into our driveway. The children all woke and staggered to their beds except the five-year-old who never woke until morning.

Many miles, many friends, many smokey campfires, many answered prayers, and a memorable family trip.

And just a bonus...

Three tips for an amazing vacation (said tongue-in-cheek)

1. Homeschool your children so you can vacation without crowds in lovely September weather.

2. Build friendships with those who live in scenic areas so you soak in glorious views mixed with sweet fellowship.

3. Make sure you have a brother twenty years younger than yourself who has a servant's heart. 

The Shunammite Woman - A Woman of Hospitality

We've been home from our delightful family trip to New York and Ontario for nearly a week. I want to share some of the highlights with you, but I still feel like I'm catching up. So I'm going to share an article I wrote a year or more ago for my series on Proverbs 31. 

The Shunammite Woman – A Woman of Hospitality

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night. Proverbs 31:18

“I'll leave the light on for you.” Whether we are arriving home late or planning to visit an unfamiliar place, those few words speak of a caring person who is expecting our arrival.

In his years as a traveling preacher in Israel, Elisha met with various responses. In one town the youth mocked his baldness. But in the town of Shunem, he was always welcomed to one particular home for a meal. Since Elisha often traveled through their area this Shunammite woman asked her husband if they could build a little guest room for Elisha.

I can imagine the Shunammite's joy in preparing the room with freshly washed linens, a warm blanket, and a bowl of dried fruit. The room contained a bed, a table, a stool, and a candle; nothing lavish or fancy but comfortable and adequate. Surely Elisha appreciated the privacy of his own space to study and rest instead of sleeping in a crowded inn or camping under a tree.

Jesus warned against giving hospitality to be rewarded. (Luke 14:12-14) We gain heavenly treasure when we serve those who cannot return the favor. 

If I give hospitality for what I can get back, I'm likely to be disappointed. No one may notice the effort I made to wash the windows or try a fabulous new cheesecake recipe. The Shunammite didn't expect Elisha to return the invitation. She simply noticed a need and filled it. But God blessed her abundantly for her service. Elisha noticed her barrenness and promised she would have a son. Years later, after her son died of an illness, Elisha brought him back to life. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.” (Col 3:23-24)

At least five times in the New Testament we are commanded to show hospitality. Too often I confuse hospitality with entertaining. I may think that hospitality means a lavish meal, a lovely table, and a spotless house. Nothing is wrong with any of those things, but they are not necessary for hospitality. 

Far too often my children have heard me bark orders when company is coming. In trying to impress my guests, I become impatient and frustrated. God's love may shine more brightly through smudged windows and a simple meal—at least to my own children.

Hospitality is not limited to company meals and overnight guests. Hospitality is God's love demonstrated in our home through hands of service and can be seen in various ways. Pouring love into foster, adopted, or a handicapped child. Inviting an addiction-plagued neighbor for a Bible study. Holding a sick child half the night. Sitting in the lawn overseeing the neighbor children playing in the yard. Making a meal to send to a tired mom. Preparing a snack for my hungry offspring. Putting aside my projects to make the house is tidy before my husband arrives home.

All Christians are called to be the light of the world. Our world doesn't need more interior decorators, gourmet cooks, or perfect hostesses. But the world desperately needs more women who are shining the light of the gospel of Christ from their homes. I put my light under a bushel when I'm worried that my meal isn't as good as my friend's or when I hope for recognition for my service. I hide the light of Christ when I serve out of obligation or speak unkindly to my children while scrubbing mud off the kitchen floor.

When our homes are filled with God's love we have a treasure to share with the world. 

Let's hold our light high and not allow the darkness to consume it. 

Let's open our homes and hearts to the needy around us so they can see Christ.

Homeschooler's Friend

I was thrilled to see the Homeschooler's Friend in my mailbox this week. Not because I was eager to read it, I had seen each of the pages countless times already, but because it was the fruit of many months of effort.

At the beginning of the year I was asked by Christian Light to join the editorial staff of Homeschooler's Friend. This magazine contains practical help and encouragement for homeschoolers. My role is to plan the content and communicate with writers willing to produce articles for the magazine.

I've enjoyed every aspect of this project. I appreciate Joe and Becky who were willing to hand off their vision for the magazine to other hands. Christian Light allowed me to introduce some of my own ideas to the pages. Busy homeschool parents have shared their wisdom through articles and interviews. Jennifer, my co-editor, puts the shine to the words and polishes every comma. (We both think that the other has the hardest job.) LaShonda makes the pages beautiful with her graphic design skills. 

Homeschooler's Friend hasn't been a huge time commitment for me but did give me a welcome creative diversion during Ed's decline this spring. I get to do something I enjoy, while feeling like I am encouraging other homeschoolers, and even getting paid for my time. I've learned more about the publishing process. Right now the fall issue is showing up in mailboxes while the winter issue goes through the editing process, and I'm actively working on the content for the spring issue. Since most of my life is on repeat mode (like laundry and meals), I appreciate a long-term project with deadlines to check off.

Homeschooler's Friend is sent free to Christian Light's homeschool customers. If you'd like to be added to their mailing list, email your request to homeschoolersfriend@ christianlight.org (no spaces.)

My Anchor Holds

This past weekend we attended a conference at a camp. I was told multiple times that I was brave to go with my children without Ed. But the encouragement I was given from the sermons, small group prayer time, and fellowship was worth any effort. 

To gather, and sing, and pray, and hear from God's Word with hundreds of believers from around the US was soul medicine. 

The theme of the weekend was Heroes of the Faith. We learned about men and women from Hebrews 11 and in church history up to the present time who followed Christ even in very difficult circumstances. Their stories were both convicting and inspiring.

Our family stayed in tents and enjoyed the perfect camping weather, not too hot and not too cold. Most of our meals were eaten in the dining hall, but we had brought some bagels for an early morning breakfast. Toaster cords are too short for campsites.

On Sunday morning the youth sang for us. One of the songs they sang was "Will Your Anchor Hold."

We have an anchor that keeps the soul

Steadfast and sure while the billows roll,

Fastened to the Rock which cannot move,

Grounded firm and deep in the Savior's love.

I needed the reminder this past weekend to plant my faith deeply into God and His Word since we've been hit by another storm. I don't usually like to be attached to my cell phone, but this weekend I kept it close to get updates on Ed's niece Kimberly.

For the past three years, Kim has been getting progressively weaker. Even with multiple doctors and endless tests, her disease remained undiagnosed. Those who were at Ed's funeral may have noticed Kimberly in a wheelchair. It seemed impossible that an eighteen-year-old could have deteriorated so much. 

Last week Kim contracted pneumonia. In her weakened health, the doctors didn't give much hope. Kim started asking for songs of heaven and saying that she just wanted to see Jesus. She was able to be stabilized and return home where she passed away peacefully early this morning.  

We never imagined three months ago that our family would face another funeral so soon. Long-time readers may remember that this is the fourth death in Ed's family in less than ten years. (Ed's dad in October 2009, Ed's brother-in-law in June 2011, Ed in May 2019, and now Kim.) Ed's mom is taking this hard. I'd like to rant at the unfairness of it all. 

But then I remember the faith of believers through the centuries who suffered unimaginable pain because of their faith in Christ. The God who helped them not deny their Lord and bring Him glory will help me do the same.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
Be still, and know that I am God...I will be exalted in the earth. (Psalm 46: 1-3, 10)

Summer Deluge

A friend told me recently that her dad, a new widower, found it hard to go to social events. I understand why it would seem easier to stay at home. I've talked to widows who didn't go to church for weeks. I think that if I lived alone, I might be tempted to become a hermit.

But that wasn't an option for me. My children love social life.  I hear, "What are we going to do tonight?" almost before they are out of bed. If I suggested staying home when there were options on the calendar, I'd have mutiny.

But then, I like people and enjoy new experiences, so I'm usually joining my children in the desire to plan activities.

In a typical summer, there would be evenings we would stay at home. Maybe Ed wanted to mow the grass, or do some other home project. Maybe he had to study for a sermon or just wanted a quiet evening at home.

But this year there was nothing holding us back. If we were home all day, why not go away in the evening? If we decided to go to the park in the afternoon, grab some supper, and not get back to bedtime, there was no reason we couldn't.

I've been struggling with a complete lack of routine this summer. I realize I fit my life around Ed's schedule. What time does he need breakfast before leaving for work? When will Ed get home? Could he fit that event into his Saturday or should I decline?

But none of those questions apply anymore.

The result is that we have meals at all hours, spend whole days away, and have fit more events into one summer than usual. Some things that have been our routine for years, such as waffles every Wednesday morning, we've suddenly quit.

Sometimes I worry that I'm filling the missing hole that Ed left with busyness. I know that some widows turn to shopping, or food, or alcohol when they lose their husband. Am I staying busy to replace Ed and keep from mourning? Is this a healthy way to deal with grief? Will we get to the quiet days of winter and fall apart?

Or has it been a summer when friends and family want to show they care by spending time with us? Are we making up time for the things we couldn't do the last two years? Is our search for joy in the middle of grief driving us to spend more time together?

I have more questions than answers.

But I do know, that when I look through the photos of the last weeks, I do see joy.

And I am grateful.

Here's a glimpse.

Many Tuesdays found us at a city park playing games with the children. My children loved these evenings and hopefully some of the contacts will help my brother's new church.

I should have kept a list of all the things that I did for the first time this year. There were big things concerning finances and the small things like grilling steak. Ed did so many things that I took for granted. But it hasn't hurt us to tackle new projects like homemade ice cream.

So many events bring back memories of the last time that we did this with Ed. 

Last year Ed wasn't feeling good but...

...he played an inning of softball at the church picnic.

...went to the Allegany Boys Camp Open House.

...helped us dig and sort potatoes.

Now we do these things alone and just remember.

My youngest daughter didn't remember taking bike rides. 

We enjoyed a ride with my sister and her husband on the York Heritage Trail. 

A couple weeks later we went with Ed's brothers and their families on part of the Great Allegheny Passage. It had been years since we biked this beautiful rail trial.

We also had experiences that were new. Such as a history tour of local Anabaptist sites. 

We were the only locals in this group which included families from Peru, Paraguay, Ontario, and Texas. 

Every three years, our  local small town celebrates their history. We spent a day touring some local spots and eating free food from local businesses. This lady showed us how to die cloth.

We even watched the parade which was a new experience for all my children. I had to laugh, because only in a small town do people line up to watch rusted farm equipment and shiny fire engines file down a highway.

This was a summer that I was grateful that I lived in Pennsylvania. We had numerous visitors who came to Pennsylvania for family gatherings and took the time to visit us. Our picnic table saw friends from Ontario, Belize, and Peru. It was a special treat to meet ladies I've only known only through the written words we've pounded out in emails. I love that my children got a glimpse of God's work in other lands.

But far-away friends are not more important than our local friends. We've been given so much by living in a supportive community. Cousins stop by to say "hi," cookies and flowers show up on our kitchen table, and friends invite us for cook-outs. When I look at the calendar I'm reminded of lunch at a friend's house talking about widowhood while our children played, the fabulous day spent with my writers' group, and the hours spent at a coffee shop talking about books with a friend. The deluge of love has been amazing.

But we also needed to stay home and work occasionally. Lots of rain meant abundant weeds and tall grass. I sewed dresses for my girls and continued to de-clutter the house. My goal was to take one box to the thrift store every week. I haven't done it quite weekly, but some weeks I got rid of four or five boxes so I think my goal was met.

My sister helped me to do some painting and switching bedrooms around.

When our fourth daughter was born three years ago, Ed suggested that we give the master bedroom  and bath to the girls. The girls' bedroom was very small, but I didn't want to give up our room. When Ed got sick, I shelved the idea since I didn't know what we would need for wheelchair and hospital bed. But when I mentioned the idea this summer, my girls were excited. 

They love their new room. 

And I'm surprised at how much I enjoy my new space. The furniture and photos still hold memories of Ed, yet the smaller room feels restful. 

Best of all, having their own bedroom and bath has greatly reduced the getting-ready-for-bed chaos. I'm not sure why, but separating the boys and girls into their own bathrooms has radically dropped the stress level. 

I haven't done as much gardening this year - mostly just eating fresh veggies. Some parts of our county are experiencing drought, but we've had just the right amount of rainfall to make our garden lush and green.

We've enjoyed lots of fresh sweet corn.

I've done almost no canning this year, but we did do a bushel of peaches. I had not canned peaches in several years so my children needed a refresher course.

My girls are delighting in a new batch of kittens.

These two make sure our red raspberries are picked daily - though few berries make it to the house.

 My ten-year-old planted some cut flowers in the garden and has given away many bouquets.

In the hottest days the children beg to go to a nearby creek. While they splash, I sat on a rock with my feet in the water and a book in my hand. Refreshment for everyone.

We started school in July when the heat drove us into the air conditioning. I'm eager to make up for the chaos of the last school year, but so far we haven't yet found a school routine either. I do think I'll enjoy the kindergarten enthusiasm though I can't believe she is five already.

One challenge for school (and life) has been my voice. For weeks I have had very little voice. I managed to keep talking though I sounded croaky, but reading aloud and singing was impossible. I'm blaming allergies though I've never had this problem before. Every week I see a small improvement. One morning last week I found myself singing, something I haven't been able to do all summer. I still don't have a very wide range of notes, but it feels good to at least join in congregational singing at church again on a few verses.

Last weekend found me at a ladies retreat. As always, it was a time of refreshment, an oasis, a restful lull in the middle of August. The workshops, the food, the decor - it was all nearly perfect. 

But the best was the conversations with both new and old friends. I love that this is a safe place to laugh and cry and share my fears. I met many Home Joys readers, chatted with new widow friends, and cherished long conversations with my sister who is headed for Asia soon.

I'm often asked, "How are you?" I don't know how to answer that question. I think I'm okay. In some ways I feel more fragile than three months ago, and I try not to worry about what it will be like six months, or a year, or two years. 

But today, this moment, I'll being held by God and He is helping us find joy in our summer days.

And that is enough for today.

We Rest On Thee

When I chose "rest" as my word of the year back in January I didn't know how much I would need rest.

Our summer has been recklessly busy. I love summer activities and our whole family is relishing the freedom of busy days and late nights. For the past two years our schedule was focused on caring for Ed. I didn't realize how much I tried to protect Ed from stress until I no longer had to. We miss Ed, but none of us miss cancer and the blight it put on our family.

But even though we are busy, I find that rest is possible. I can ache from pulling weeds, stay up late reading, scramble to get ready for an appointment, and still know rest.

It doesn't happen by default. I can't change much about my circumstances or my children or the current events. But I can choose my intake.  I can be intentional to listen to music that refreshes, read books that inspire, and spend time with people who encourage.

Rest isn't just a physical state of sleep or relaxation. One dictionary definition is "a peace of mind and spirit." I consider this kind of rest to be a gift from God and an answer to those of you who pray for us.

And it isn't just those of us who find ourselves in widowhood who need rest. I found an old post from a few years ago where I wrote about this same subject. Apparently I've been on a journey of learning to trust God and rest in Him for a long time.

On Sunday we sang a new-to-me hymn. I love the message of this hymn and all the names and attributes of God that it describes. To me this shows that finding rest is not something we can do ourselves but only found in God.

I learned that this hymn was sung by Jim Elliot and his four friends before they reached out to a violent tribe in Ecuador in 1956. When Elisabeth Elliot wrote the story of their deaths, she chose the title from a line in this hymn, Through Gates of Splendor.

We Rest On Thee
by Edith A. G. Cherry
Hymns of the Church #501

We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender;
We go not forth alone against the foe;
Strong in Thy strength, safe in Thy keeping tender.
We rest on Thee, and in Thy Name we go.

Yea, in Thy Name, O Captain of salvation!
In Thy dear Name, all other names above;
Jesus our Righteousness, our sure Foundation,
Our Prince of glory and our King of love.
We go in faith, our own great weakness feeling,
And needing more each Thy grace to know;
Yet from our hearts a song of triumph pealing;
We rest on Three, and in thy Name we go.

We rest on Thee, our Shield and our Defender:
Thine is the battle, Thine shall be the praise
When passing thru the gates of pearly splendor;
Victors, we rest with Thee, through endless days.

If reading this by email, click over to the blog to enjoy a video of this hymn.