Celebrate My Children

I'm sharing the five goals that I set for myself when the quarantine started. I already shared about keeping a routine. My second goal was to "celebrate my children."

As a homeschooling mom, I spend nearly every waking hour with my children. Most of my energy and brain cells are given to them. It could sound like I'm a good mom - and I hope I am. But I know how often my heart isn't in the giving. How often I resent the giving. How often I withhold my heart.

Often, especially in the past few years, I've done the bare minimum in mothering. I did laundry and made meals and even read books to them. (I always read books.) But I didn't do more than I had to.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty. There is days (months, years) that the bare minimum is all a mom can do. Children need to learn that all of life is not all about having fun. Mothers are not the Entertainer or Magic Genie. Children need to do chores, to contribute to the family life, and to accept limitations.

But too often I say "No" to a project, to an idea, to a special treat, just because I don't want to be bothered by the extra effort.

When I learned that we would be home all day, every day, for who-knows-how-long, I knew I needed to find special ways to celebrate my children. I decided to say "yes" more.

1. Say "yes" to special treats and menus. 

Does it matter if we stay up late some night and eat ice cream before bed? Probably not. But usually I would think of another collection of dirty dishes in the sink and say "no."

And why will I go to the "bother" of making soft pretzels when we have friends over, but never make them just for my children?

That first week I left the children plan menus. Of course they picked things we rarely, if ever, have - like rootbeer floats. Though I should have been avoiding grocery stores, I ended up at the store more often that week. But we had a lot of fun at meals that week- and the weeks after. Since losing Ed, I've lost a lot of joy of cooking, but the past month, I've enjoyed it more, maybe because I've considered the wishes of my children more when planning meals.



2. Say "yes" to messy.

Any home with six children is going to get untidy. I'm used the mess of Lego, dolls, and puzzle pieces. But when the children get out paints on the dining room table or start carving in the living room, I groan. And I don't usually initiate any ideas that make more messes.

One evening, my son helped me plan a mystery supper for the others. We prepared a meal with lots of individual components. We printed up menus with each food item and utensil - giving each a mystery name. Each person chose the mystery items they wanted for their three courses and wrote them on their menu. Then we served each course. Some had chosen (unintentionally) to eat chili, jello, and icecream with no utensils. The children had never had a mystery supper. Saying "yes" to messy, on this night, meant saying "yes" to lots of laughter.

3. Say "yes" to projects.

I can procrastinate a long time with projects that upset the household. Maybe I'm too stuck on routine. I know that tackling a project will mean a neglect of other things. But when our calendar cleared out, I figured this was a great time for projects.

My oldest daughter wanted to paint the girls' room. I can come up with all sorts of reasons not to paint, but my daughter did most of the work. After two or three days, their room looked so fresh and clean. The rearranged furniture expanded the size of the room. The upheaval was worthwhile. Now I'm working on two more painting projects both inside and out. Fitting a proejct around school means that it will drag out a while, but if I waited for the perfect time, I would never start.

I know that there are many times a mom needs to say "no" to their children. But the last few weeks I've discovered that I say "no" too often, when I just don't want to be bothered. Since I've been purposely looking for ways to celebrate my children, I've discovered that I'm a bit more selfish than I want to admit.

What about you? I'd love to hear what you are doing with your children on these days of quarantine.