Legacy

Three years is a short time. 

Three years is a long time.

It is long enough that my six-year-old doesn't remember her daddy.

It is long enough that Ed's voice is dim in my own memory. 

May has been so crazy busy that I didn't spend a lot of time contemplating the last three years, but memories drizzle in.

I've been reading The Lazy Genius Kitchen by Kendra Adachi which is more of a figure-out-your priorities book than a cookbook. She constantly asks, "What matters most?" Do I value ease, or simplicity, or low cost, or variety?

It wasn't a very big jump from thinking "what matters most?" in my kitchen and menus to life and relationships and future plans. 

And it is made me think back to past decisions, specifically Ed's choices. 

Ed wasn't perfect, though it is easy to remember only the best. But when I think about Ed and how he faced cancer and death, there is one song that comes immediately to mind. 

Those of you that have read here for a while know that Ed enjoyed hymns and I've shared quite a few with you. 

On Zion's Glorious Summit

It Is Well

 

You can find all the posts where I shared hymns here.

But in the last sermon he preached, he shared the words to the praise song, "Blessed Be Your Name."

The words were ones that he lived, but I've struggled to sing these words from the heart. Three years later, I'm not sure I'm any closer to singing some of the verses. As the song states, it is a heart choice. This song is based on  Job 1:21  and though I'm not in the category of Job's wife, who suggested Job curse God and die, I don't always have Job's response. This is a song that requires hands open and raised. 

And possibly tears.

A Mother's Prayer

I love when several things come together, building upon each other. 

It started when a friend, a widow who lives alone, told me that she sings and plays hymns as worship to God. Somehow I had never thought of keeping a hymnal with my Bible. 

Then another friend told me that she wrote out hymns by hand, and hung them where she could see and reread them. 

Then another friend mentioned that she uses hymns as prayers. My church tradition doesn't include scripted prayers, but we sign many hymns that are prayers.

So I put these three suggestions together and flipped through a hymnal, finding prayers of worship, prayers for others, and prayers for myself. I copied several out and propped one by my mirror. 

The first hymn I chose was one that I've considered my "mom prayer." These words help refocus my mind on days that parenting feels too big. I thought I'd share it with you on Mother's Day. Whether you are a mother or not, we all need to be filled with God's love before we can love others.

Lord, Speak to Me

by Frances R. Havergal

Lord, speak to me, that I may speak,

In living echoes of Thy tone:

As Thou hast sought, so let me seek,

Thy erring children lost and lone.

O lead me, Lord, that I may lead

The wande'ring and the wav'ring feet;

O feed me, Lord, that I may feed

Thy hungering ones with manna sweet.

O fill me with Thy fullness, Lord,

Until my very heart o'erflow

In kindling thought and glowing word,

Thy love to tell, Thy praise to show.

O use me, Lord, use even me,

Just as Thou wilt, and when, and where;

Until Thy blessed face I see,

Thy rest, They joy, They glory share.

Amen.