The last few months have felt intense. It isn't that our schedule has been frantic, but I've felt the pressure of Lots To Do. I don't have babies any more, but I'm finding that life with teens can be even busier than life with babies - though in a different way. Homeschooling has been intense this year, and I'm constantly comparing what I accomplished with what I had hoped to accomplish - and seeing a gap.
I knew February was a short month, made even shorter because we spent the last week of the month in Tennessee, helping with rebuild flooded homes. But in the days leading up to our trip, I wondered why I was so stressed. Had I overcommitted?
Our week in Tennessee was a real blessing. It was good for me to walk away from my normal responsibilities and help others for a week. I loved meeting believers from other states and the fellowship of conversation and singing together. And hearing the stories of those that lost loved ones in the flood brought perspective to my own life.
When we came home, we jumped into life with its challenges and joys. I found myself again discouraged. I'm typically a high energy person, and I like deadlines because they help motivate me. But maybe I had gone over the limit into Too Much.
In the past two weeks, I've spend time reflecting and asking questions. How can I build margin so I don't feel stressed? How can make sure I don't overcommit in the future? On weeks that are extra busy, how can I make sure I'm balancing times of rest?
Here are some of my questions and conclusions.
1. What is my motivation for being busy? I know that I find my identity in what I do and in feeling useful and helpful. This can lead me to overcommitting or feeling like I'm the only one who could fill a need. It has been helpful to me to remind myself that, in the sight of God, I am not more valuable if I'm doing a lot.
2. What role does grief play? One day, when I felt totally overwhelmed, I was talking with a friend about my schedule, which included things like taking my oldest son for his driver's test and preparing taxes. She reminded me that some of the activities on my to-do list were things that Ed would have probably done - roles that a husband and dad often fill. Some of my feelings of being overwhelmed was possibility processing the grief of not having Ed to carry the load with me.
3. Are there signals that I'm too busy? I enjoy taking an hour-long walk, usually with an audio book. Some days when I'm tired and longing for a nap, especially Sunday afternoong, I have found that the fresh air and exercise make me feel even better than a nap. With homeschooling, I don't walk as often as I like, but I try to squeeze one in once or twice a week. But I realized that I have taken very few walks this winter. The cold weather was partly to blame, but I don't mind bundling up and walking in cold temperatures. The real culprit was simply not seeing a walk as a worthy investment of time - something worth making time for. If I skip walking for several weeks, it may be a sign that I need to let something go.
(And the fact that I can take walks at all is credit to having teenagers. For years, I longed for the freedom to say "I'll be back in an hour." So you moms of young children, hold on, there are joys of parenting teens.)
Another warning sign for me is if I feel like I need to stay up late to get work done. It was important to Ed that when the children went to bed, that we stopped working, too. If the kitchen floor wasn't mopped yet, it would just wait until tomorrow. Occasionally there was a deadline that had to be met, such as a bill that needed paid, but rarely did he get on the computer after the children were in bed. I've tried to keep this habit, because I know how little self-control I have when I'm tired and "checking something quick online" can last an hour. If I'm so busy that I feel like I have to do some work after the children go to bed, I know that I'm out of balance. Having quiet time to read and getting to bed at a decent time makes a big difference for me.
4. Am I taking "thought for tomorrow"? (Matthew 6:31:32) The next six months look very busy and the swirl of activities and plans in my head can consume me. It is helpful for me to ask what I actually have to do now and what can wait until later. There is actually a lot of things happening the next few months that I can do nothing about right now. I like to plan ahead and I don't like to procrastinate, but deciding what I have to do this week, and what can be left for tomorrow, is clarifying to me.
Enjoying the puppies.
With the world events the last few weeks, I have felt guilty for being stressed about my small problems. If I was fleeing my home or wondering what to feed my children, everything on my agenda would disapear. The grief of the world can make my busy days feel even more overwhelming.
That is when I'm grateful for the power of Scripture and soul-strengthening hymns. There have been so many songs that have been meaningful to me the last few weeks, and I'll share one.
Edited 3/20/2022
Martha Groff gave me permission to share these words with you.
O Who Is Like Jehovah God
Word by Martha J. Groff, Based Psalm 40
Hymns of the Church #109
O who is like Jehovah God?
To whom can we compare
The vastness of this mighty King,
The Lord, to Whom we sing?
The nations are as dust to Him,
As one drop in a pail;
No one can be compared with Him
Who can His greatness dim.
And yet this great and mighty God,
Whose goodness never fails,
Has pledged our strength He will renew,
And this He'll surely do.
If we upon the Lord will wait
When we are tired and worn,
He'll lift us up on eagle's wing,
This God to Whom we sing.
O who is like Jehovah God?
To whom can we compare
His glory and His majesty
Through all eternity!
"Hast that not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall untterly fall;But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."Isaiah 40: 28-31
