Boundless Love

I don't want to write this post.

It is far more enjoyable to write about blessings. I know that many of you care about us and have prayed often for us and by writing this I may give you a bad day.

But I also want to be honest about our journey and beg again for your prayers.

Ed had an MRI this week and found that his tumor is growing.

The news is a kick in the stomach. In some ways this is harder than hearing the original diagnosis in May. When Ed was so sick, it was almost a relief to learn that he had a tumor that could be operated on. It was devastating to learn that the tumor was glioblastoma multiform (GBM), but some patients respond well to treatment and have several good years before the tumor begins to regrow.  Of course we hoped that Ed would be in that small group. We also knew that God is greater than statistics and He could choose to destroy Ed's tumor.

We've had several bio-marker tests done on Ed's tumor since his surgery, none encouraging. Ed's tumor has the ability to repair its DNA which makes it hard to manage with chemo. It also contains extra growth protein that help it grow even faster. This is not imaginary monster under the bed. Neither is it sleeping. This monster is alive. With fangs. And venom.

So the MRI report this week is not totally a surprise. Just very disappointing. All hopes of a semi-normal life this year has been crushed. We now need to decide what kind of treatment to pursue. None of the options sound appealing. Ed could choose to have another surgery or take part in some of the new experimental trials for immunotherapy.

Right now Ed is feeling very well. He has no symptoms from his tumor. It is hard to think of starting a treatment plan that may make him feel sick in hopes of halting his tumor. But if we do nothing, Ed will likely start feeling the effects of the tumor's pressure on his brain.

We hope to meet soon with the neuro-surgeon and oncologist teams from two of the bigger hospitals in our area. Please pray for us that God will give us clear direction on the next step to take.

God is with us even now. If God is near to the brokenhearted, maybe He is nearer now than last week. We do not feel forsaken, just sad.

Last winter, Ed preached at weekend revival meetings at a youth Bible school. He chose "Jesus, Thy Boundless Love to Me" as his theme song for that weekend. Since then I've had a copy of that hymn near my Bible and it has become my theme song for this past year.

So grateful that I'll never find an end to God's love.

Jesus, Thy Boundless Love To Me
by Paul Gerhardt
translated by John Wesley

Jesus, Thy boundless love to me
No thought can reach, no tongue declare;
Unite my thankful heart to Thee,
And reign without a rival there.
Thine wholly, Thine alone I am;
My soul with constant love aflame.

They love, how cheering is its ray!
All pain before its presence flies;
Care, anguish, sorrow, melt away,
Where'er its healing beams arise;
O Jesus, nothing may I see,
Nothing desire or seek but Thee.

O draw me, Saviour, after Thee!
So shall I run and never tire.
With gracious words still comfort me;
Be Thou my hope, my sole desire.
Free me from every weight, nor fear
Nor sin can come if Thou art here.

Still let Thy love point out my way;
How wondrous things Thy love hath wrought!
Still lead me, lest I go astray;
Direct my work, inspire my thought;
And if I fall, soon may I hear
Thy voice, and know that love is near.

In suffering be Thy love my peace,
In weakness be Thy love my pow'r;
And when the storms of life shall cease,
Jesus, in that important hour,
In death as life be Thou my guide,
And save me, who for me hast died!

There are various tunes used with these words but here is a video with the tune that we sing. (If viewing by email you may need to click over to the blog to see the video.)