Treasuring Each Day

I have been asked how a cancer diagnosis changes your life.  That question deserves a whole post by itself, but obviously a terminal illness helps you evaluate how you spend your time. There is many things that just don't seem important when cancer is in the picture.

Compared to God's time, our time on earth is limited to a few brief years. This awareness can help us treasure each day as a gift from God and hold onto moments spent with our family.

I had a lot of anticipation for September. Fall is one of my favorite seasons. Ed was feeling good and we looked forward to some fun family times.

On Labor Day we helped my parents harvest their potatoes. For the older ones it might be work, but for the younger crowd, digging potatoes is a finding buried treasure. 

Another Saturday was spent making applesauce. I didn't do much gardening and canning this year, but it is nice to have some jars filled for winter.

The first week of September was Ed's chemo week. Ed has five days of chemo every month. The doctor increased his dose to see how his body could tolerate it. Ed takes his chemo pills right before bed hoping to sleep off the side affects, but the first night Ed was very sick. The doctor prescribed a stronger anti-nausea medicine and the second night went well. 

But there was a mistake in Ed's chemo prescription and he was only sent enough for two days instead of five. After many phone calls, we finally got the right dosage, weeks later - too late for September. I was rather annoyed. I hate chemo, but since we have chosen to do chemo, it was frustrating to not get the right dosage on time. 

But after our son's accident, I wondered if God had it all planned. Maybe the full dose of chemo would have weakened Ed's body and he wouldn't have felt well on that stressful weekend in the hospital. It was one more time that I needed to lay down my frustration and accept that God's in control. 

Trent's accident required us to cancel our family vacation. We couldn't take a boy to the beach when his leg was wrapped up and couldn't get wet or dirty.

But by the Saturday after his hospital stay Trent was feeling good and we wanted to do something fun as a family even if it wasn't a true vacation.

We rode the Metro into DC which we haven't done for many years. 

Then we spent the day in the Air and Space Museum. Last year we had studied Astronomy in school and we had planned to end the year with a visit to this museum. Ed's illness in the spring had curtailed those plans so it was nice to finally make it happen. 

That Saturday went so well that the next Saturday we ventured back to DC, this time to the National Zoo. 

I was chagrined to find that our eight-year-old couldn't remember being at a zoo. The weather was sunny but cool and perfect for a day outdoors. 

Trent still has a brace on his leg so he can't bend his knee, but he can walk without pain. The surgeon is very pleased with the way his leg is healing. Two weeks after his accident, Trent was thrilled to get permission to take off the dressing each day to take a shower. 

As some of you predicted, I've had trouble keeping Trent down. He hasn't left a leg brace slow him down much. After finding him climbing a tree, this week I decided he could stand on a step-ladder and help me remove a wall paper border. 

Ed and I were dreading this week. Monday was Ed's MRI and this was also his chemo week. This time the chemo dosage would be increased even more. 

Sunday night Ed swallowed his pills. I kept waking up all night long, looking at the clock, and thinking, "he didn't get sick yet." Besides a little queasiness that first night, he wasn't sick all week. But by the end of the week Ed was tired. He came home early on Thursday and took a nap for the first time in many weeks. He says he feels tired and achy - like he was coming down with the flu. He is trying to rest more, but, like Trent, it hasn't slowed him much. Today (Saturday) he spent the day working in his shop and doing various home repair jobs.

The MRI on Monday went well. The machine was as loud as ever. Ed describes it as putting your head in a metal bucket and letting your children hammer on it. But thankfully he made it through without getting sick. 

Then we waited for the results.

The last MRI Ed had was in June right before he started radiation. We had waited several months to get another MRI because we were told that radiation would cause a lot of swelling and the tumor would be much larger just from the radiation swelling. We were hoping that by now the swelling would have decreased and we could get an accurate measurement.

Compared to his June MRI, the MRI this week shows a small (several millimeters) increase in the size of his tumor. The radiologist said that there is still evidence of swelling. Our doctor hopes that this increase in size is radiation-caused swelling and not growth. 

So we really don't know much more than before. Of course we hoped to find that the tumor has shrunk significantly. But until Ed's next MRI in December we won't know for sure if it is growing or shrinking. 

But besides being a little disappointed, Ed and I are not really upset about the results. It is just one more opportunity to trust God who knows exactly what's happening in Ed's head.

And one more opportunity to make the most of each day we have together.

And it could be that the peace we have had in the past weeks, with increased chemo, lawn-mower accidents, prescription mistakes, MRIs - is all a credit to your prayers and God's grace. Thank you.

With each story I hear of yet another person diagnosed with a terminal illness, of conflict in countless places in the world, of Satan working to destroy souls, marriages, families, and churches - all I can say is...

Lord, come quickly. 

(1 Thess. 4:13-18)