With No Regrets

We know that every day is a gift from God, but this weekend felt like an extra-special gift. After weeks of splitting headaches which caused confusion and fatigue, Ed's headaches were greatly reduced. This was most likely the result of the steroid he was taking before his brain surgery. It was wonderful to be able to communicate with Ed without his eyes clouded with pain.

In the past I've wondered what I would do if I knew I had only one more day with my loved ones. I hoped that I was living my life in such a way that nothing much would change and I wouldn't have to hurry and restore my relationships with God or others. I'm certainly not perfect, but with the power of Christ, I aim to live with no regrets.

On Monday afternoon Ed had a quick appointment with the doctor. Afterward we stopped next door at Brusters and sat in the sunshine licking ice cream cones. Except for the buttons on his head marking his skull for brain surgery the next day, it felt like quiet date with my husband.

Ed and I talked about the risks of brain surgery. We both felt a peace about progressing forward with surgery but were also aware of the risks involved. I told Ed that if something happened and we only had these fifteen years together, he had still given me the best fifteen years of my life. Even though we have made mistakes through the years, I was glad that we didn't have conflict that we had to patch up.

Thank you so much for all your prayers for Ed's surgery yesterday. I've given up responding to all your emails and comments, but I do read each one. I'm humbled and honored by the hundreds of people who have surrounded us with prayer.

Yesterday's surgery was scheduled for 12:30 but some other emergencies pushed his surgery time back to 2:00. The afternoon dragged but many of Ed's family and a few friends stayed with me at the hospital giving their tangible support with their presence. Yesterday was one of those perfect May days and for a while we sat on the hospital courtyard soaking in the lovely weather.

It was nearly 6:00 when we were give word that Ed was out of surgery and, not long afterward, the neurosurgeon came out to give us his report of the surgery. The doctor felt that surgery had went well and he was able to remove a good portion of the tumor. Ed's bleeding was minimal and he had responded well to surgery.

During surgery they did a quick testing on a sample of the tumor. More thorough testing needs done in the coming days but, from this preliminary test, the tumor appears to be cancerous.

And so, within minutes we had conflicting emotions. We praised God that surgery went well. I'm quite aware that I could have become a widow while Ed was still on that operating table. I'm glad I've been given more time with Ed. Yet we fear for what the "C" word means for our future and  worry about the treatment decisions that will need to be made.

But we know that the God who has carried us through the last few days will be with us in the next weeks as well. Please continue to pray for the peace of His abiding presence with us.

I'm typing this in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. Ed had a lot of pain last night, but he is resting now. He is in ICU so the nurses can monitor him closely. The nurses have given me a recliner beside Ed's bed. I was able to sleep for a while but I know many of you are wondering how surgery went and wanted to give an update. Thanks again for your prayers.

I love your emails and comments, but can I ask that you not share a medical advice? At this point the treatment options are too overwhelming for me to consider. I'm trying to take this one day at a time. Just pray that God will give us wisdom. Thanks for understanding.