Build Up: The Power of Encouragement

 

In the fall of 2018, when Ed was in the middle of treatment for brain cancer, my oldest daughter broke her arm. We were sent to a hospital two hours away. Ed's appointments were two hours in the opposite direction. One week in October, I had a followup appointment for my daughter the same week Ed had two days of appointments. Since my children, who were then ages 2-14, had been often left with a babysitter, and my daughter's appointment would likely only take a few minutes, I took all the children with me and made some other fun stops. 

When we got to the medical center, I parked near some trees and a grassy area, planning to eat our packed picnic lunch. It was sunny and warm, but the wind was blowing briskly, which made eating outdoors unpleasant. I opened the back doors of our van and spread the food in the back of the van. I arranged the youngest girls with their water bottles and paper plates on the ice chest as their table. The older ones sat on the van bumper. 

A woman walked through the parking lot and looked over at us. She could see directly into the back of the van, and said, "You are doing a great job, Mom," then walked on.

What did she see? A mom of six, who had prepared ahead and brought a picnic lunch instead of stopping for fast food? Did she guess that we homeschooled and maybe didn't have a babysitter so I had to bring everyone to an appointment? Did she see my daughter's cast or guess that a health emergency had brought us to the medical center parking lot? Did I look frazzled? Stressed? Competent? Organized? 

She couldn't have known my husband was dying of brain cancer. She didn't know the next day I'd be in another city in another state looking at discouraging brain scans. She didn't know daily life was overwhelming, and the future was terrifying.

I don't know why she stopped and gave that brief encouragment. I can be critical of random compliments like this one. How could she know if I was a good mom? Maybe I was secretly angry and abusive. But her few words were life giving. The fact that I remember her words eight years later proves that I valued them.

Over the years, I've heard my dad say repeatedly that you can't give too much encouragement. He said this in reference to the church where we often expect others to do their duty without acknowledgement. We may think that freely giving compliments will promote pride. Maybe I remember my dad's words because I naturally lean toward criticism, not encouragement. I notice weaknesses and failures more often than positive traits. 

Mark Twain said that he could live two months on a good compliment. Encouragement has had a huge impact on my life. I could tell you about specific people and their words, going back to teachers in elementary school. Sometimes I disagreed with their words, "Oh, I'm not really any good at that," but I remembered them. 

General compliments to strangers is great, but specific encouragement is even better. A friend who has recently made some hard choices in following the Lord which included leaving home, changing friendships, and joining a new community, told me that watching me the past couple years gave the courage to make these hard decisions. I was shocked. What that friend has faced was far different, and, I thought, far harder than anything I've encountered. I never dreamed that I could encourage others by faithfully living the life that I've been given. I knew God's power had given me strength - and that same power was available for my friend, but knowing that God had used me in ways I had never dreamed brought me to tears. 

We all want and need encouragement, but how do we find it? You could befriend encouraging people or find a mentor, but often, if you recognize a need in yourself, look for that need in others. If you want encouragement, give encouragement. As Jesus said, "Give, and it shall be given unto you." Everyone, old or young, beginner or experienced, talented or not - can give encouragement. Encouragement shouldn't be gushy, which can make a person uncomfortable. It should be simple, specific, sincere words that show you noticed. 

A few years ago, I began contacting writers of books I enjoyed. Many writers have contact information online. I didn't expect a response, but often the writer wrote back. I began to suspect they rarely heard from readers. (Of course I wasn't writing to big name, Pulitzer-prize winning authors.) Don Marquis said that publishing "is like dropping a rose petal down the Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo." In following some author's email newsletters, I've discovered that even experienced writers feel vulnerable. None of us outgrow our need for encouragement, even if we look successful. 

About this time last year, my book She Shall Be Praised entered the world. I didn't know what to expect. Would anyone buy it? Was there a need for yet another women's devotional book? The publisher had done a great job with the design and art, and I figured that some people would buy it for gifts just because it was pretty. It was coming out just before Christmas which was good timing. But still the response surprised me.

Many of you bought and shared the book with your friends and ladies from church. I was surprised how many told me that they were using it for a women's Bible study. A friend in Peru got permission from the publisher to translate several chapters into Spanish to use at their church's monthly women's gathering. A lady in Thailand was translated the book into Thai for a friend who wanted to learn more about the Bible and Jesus.

But my very favorite messages this past year have been the specific words. A text message from a friend saying that the chapter they read that morning met their exact need for that day. A quote shared that was especially meaningful. I was so touched by these words of encouragement. 

Looking at this past year, and the encouragement given to me in various ways, makes me want to be more profuse and generous with my praise. I want to tell others whose faithful lives have strengthend me. I want to give more compliments to my children than criticism. Maybe our greatest contribution to the world is not what we build, but who we build up. Maybe we can help someone who needs courage to make a hard decision. Maybe our words of encouragement will be the difference to a woman who is facing her worst nightmare while laying out a picnic for her children.