Worship in the Hungry Seasons: the Limits of Productivity

I began reading time management books as a teen. I was a voracious bookworm, reading nearly every book in the house, including my mom’s books on home organization. I checked books out of the library on topics such as decluttering. Before I turned twenty, I listed Seven Habits of Highly Effective People as one of my favorite books.

Most teens weren’t reading productivity guides, but I was the oldest of nine, a bossy type-A Big Sister. Add my personality to a culture that admired efficiency and getting-it-done and, well, maybe I put too much value on productivity.

I married someone with a similar personality. Ed dreamed of more projects than could be completed in a year of Saturdays. We both had trouble saying no, which meant that we did crazy things like serve as youth leaders when we had two children under the age of two. We loved goal lists and always wanted to do more—read more books, can more vegetables, invite more guests.

I loved my life and how I was spending my time. People regularly asked me how I got it all done. And I’ll admit it—I was proud of being capable and productive.

But then Ed was diagnosed with brain cancer and told he had only a year or so to live. He was only forty and life felt too short, but by faith Ed believed that God had given him enough time. He longed for more years with his family and grieved the suffering that his death would bring, but his soul was at peace. He chose “It Is Well with My Soul” to be sung at his funeral as his testimony. As the tumor consumed his brain, Ed became childlike, not looking ahead to tomorrow, not worrying about the future, not angry with his lack of productivity. In two years, cancer stole his intellect, his speech, his motor skills, and finally his life, but it never destroyed his peace.

Peace was harder for me to find. As Ed declined, I had to pick up tasks I had never carried before. I was anxious at the thought of parenting alone and accepting help felt like failure. The time management books and productivity mindset that served me well in times of plenty had limitations in the hard times.

1. A productivity mindset lives in summer, reveling in the abundance of growth and harvest. But humans all experience seasons of winter—seasons of death and doubt, desire and drought. Winter can’t be avoided, rushed, or despised because it isn’t productive. It must be accepted as a natural season.

2. A productivity mindset can’t change the reality of human fragility. Whether forty-two or ninety-two, our earth years are fleeting compared to God’s eternity. My efforts at time management appear pitiful when compared to God’s vast expanses of time in eternity.

3. A productivity mindset may fear the future. What if I get sick, or the economy slows down, or I’m caught in traffic? My careful plans could derail. I could run out of time. Jesus pointed out the birds as a model. They follow instinct to build nests, fly south, and find food, but they don’t stress about the future.

4. A productivity mindset always wants more—it is never content. In contrast, at the end of Creation week, God rested. He wasn’t weary; God never tires. He hadn’t run out of creativity, energy, or ability as we humans do. In His boundlessness, God could have created endless plants and animals, but He said it was enough. Could I choose contentment and rest?

5. A productivity mindset focuses on me and my accomplishments. Time management only has value when it brings God glory. If a meal chart helps me be a calmer mom, it is a good thing. But if organization feeds pride and becomes an idol, it is not of God. All personalities have their tenancies toward sin, including mine.

6. A productivity mindset values those that are successful, but in God’s upside-down kingdom, the greatest in the kingdom are the least—the helpless, homeless, and handicapped, the infants, infirmed, and imprisoned. Those who have nothing to give, who rely totally on God, have a special place in God’s heart.

7. A productivity mindset desires self-sufficiency, but God prioritizes humble dependence on Him. He gave stern words to the church in Laodicea who claimed they had no need of God. My productivity could hinder my relationship with God if I didn’t realize my desperate need for Him.

8. A productivity mindset sees negative experiences as something to fix. But only in acceptance do we find joy and the ability to rest in God. Cancer brought an end to Ed’s productive life on earth. My efforts couldn’t change that fact. For me, cancer brought a rearranged life, the shuffle of grief, the awareness of weakness—and the need for acceptance.

But as He has for the animals, God provided ways to survive the barren seasons. Though I am limited by time, daylight, weather, energy, and abilities, God is not. He stands above human limitations. When I worship God in the hard times, I’m praising His work, not mine. When I’m no longer trying to impress others by my productivity, I can allow them to see my barren shelves, my bruised heart, my blighted prayers. I can give others opportunity to care for me until spring comes again.

I’ll probably always love the bustle of summer, the excitement of harvest, the days filled with activity and productive projects. I may always enjoy reading about time management and be tempted to value time by what I accomplish. But I counter the longing to do more and be more with worship. I want to walk through the hungry season, the dependent years, the times of weakness, with hands lifted in worship. Because of Jesus. It is well with my soul.

(This article was first published in Commonplace: The Quiet of Winter by Daughters of Promise Ministry)