Saturday, February 23, 2013

Again, Surrender

Again, Surrender

I thought I did this
       yesterday.
    Why am I fighting
       again?
I wish the war was over,
          and You
             were Victor.
I long for
    life to be battle-free,
           peace to reign,
                my heart to lie still.
But today,
       I feel like a two-year-old,
          thrashing on the floor
             to get her way.
        Or a belligerent teenager,
                lip curled,
          head held defiantly.
    I want to plan my own life,
           and dream my own dreams.
       I don't want to sacrifice time
             to serve others.
          I don't want to yield
                               to Anyone.

But when I forge my own path,
       fight my own battles,
                         I find disaster.
          My stomach is tied in knots;
             sleep refuses to come.
       I can't live in warfare.
    I crave peace
                      more than life itself.

So again,
    I wave the white flag,
          surrender,
                yield,
       to the Lord of the universe,
             Captain of my Soul.
    Not my will,
             but Yours,
       be done.

I wrote this poem some time ago, during a specific time that I needed to surrender my will to God's.

I've been thinking a lot about surrender recently. About the time I think I'm surrendered, that I'm willing to do whatever God asks, something else comes up to show me that I'm still trying to control my own life. 

Some days I think that I'm the only one that needs to give up their will. It looks like others always have their life go well, that they never have to yield their own plans and wishes - like I do. 

Of course that is not true. Surrender is part of life for everyone who follows Christ

In the last few weeks, I've had conversations with several women. The specific details vary. One lady may be struggling with singleness, another with a difficult marriage. One woman may long for children, while another struggles to accept an unexpected pregnancy. Whether it is finances, health issues, parenting challenges, church difficulties - every lady who I've broached this subject has something in their life that they struggle to accept. There are things that they would love to change. A desire, longing, or plan they need to surrender. A circumstance, calling, or responsibility that they need to accept and embrace.  

I may not always be able to choose my life circumstances but I can choose my response. More than anything else, I want to respond like Mary. "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word." (Luke 1:38)

Hebrew 11 lists men and women of great faith. Reading over the list I find that their faith is shown by their surrender of their will. Noah built an ark. Abraham moved to a strange country then willing gave up his promised son. Moses confronted Pharaoh. Rahab put a scarlet thread in her window. Gideon sent most of his army home.

None of these people did the logical steps to success. But they had the faith to beleve that God was worthy of their trust and obedience.

Right after the list in Hebrews 11 comes Heb 12:1-2 "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Maybe my real problem is that I take my eyes off of Jesus and onto me. 

"The present circumstance, which presses so hard against you, if surrendered to Christ is the beast shaped tool in the Father's hand to chisel you for eternity. Trust Him, then. Do not push away the instrument lest you lose its work." Author unknown 

14 comments :

  1. so timely for me! thank you for challenging me to wait on Jesus no matter what is less than ideal (in my eyes) in my life. i cannot change my circumstances, but i can change my attitude!

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  2. You write poetry??

    This is beautiful, and the cry of my own heart right now as well. Thank you for sharing, Gina.

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    Replies
    1. Do I write poetry?

      Only free verse. Only when I'm in some depth of emotion. And only very bad poetry. I can't believe I even shared this one. But I hoped it could bless someone to know that others are in this too!
      Gina

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  3. Oh, dear Gina...we're snowed in today, and this was a bit of our conversation...my hubby & me. Thank you for the reminder.

    ~eunice

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  4. Beautiful poem, Gina. No, you are not alone in this battle... keep fighting!!
    Our family has been discussing the song "The Only King" which our friends recently sang on their new CD. Our 12 year old son is very captivated by the phrase "the only king who surrendered to win". It's such a paradox, but the truth. Winning in the Christian life takes our surrender, also! I want more of that, yes, to keep Jesus as focus!

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    Replies
    1. surrendering to win - a great phrase to remind us as we walk our Christian journey......thanks!

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  5. I remember well the last really BIG battle I had raging. Neither help nor peace came swiftly, but for the first time I committed to waiting on the Lord for His answer...no matter what. While waiting..I cried, begged, searched the sriptures and sought council with a few trusted Christian friends. At long last, (some years went by..) the answer came and with it true peace. The Lord untied all the knots, and made clear and level the way before me. I felt like the Hebrews leaving Egypt..with permission, and gold and silver to boot. I'm glad I don't have a battle raging at this time...my empathy and prayers go out to all who are in the midst of such a stuggle.

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  6. Oh my.......how many times I have been there screaming out all those same words only to drop to my knees in a heap crying out "God I can't change my circumstances, change my heart!"......I love the quote at the bottom, I too am being chiseled for eternity. Remember, God's word tells us to take up our cross daily. We never "arrive",we are all a work in progress.Blessings and thanks for this post I am so glad that I am not the only one!

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  7. I forgot to say also, today I am canning beans. I thought it a good time before the canning season starts up again.....I have never tried the dry bean method but I am going to.....I soak, precook, the whole bit. This way would be so much easier to measure out just what you need too. Thank you!

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  8. Not only you that needs to surrender! O...those tommorow's....today I thought I had it all "licked", then comes the next day (or moment!). Thanks for the reminder....again!
    Barb

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  9. Thanks Gina - what a timely post for me!
    I still appreciate the old saying, we don't know what the future holds but we know Who holds the future!
    Hugs!

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  10. Hello, I found your blog from google and I just want to thank you for this sharing this poem. It is so beautiful and exactly what I just finished going through.

    Why am I fighting
    again?
    I wish the war was over,
    and You
    were Victor.
    I long for
    life to be battle-free,
    peace to reign,
    my heart to lie still.


    and

    I want to plan my own life,
    and dream my own dreams.


    Wow. This is so much what I felt like. Thank you God for leading me to your blog!

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  11. Extremely timely for me. I found out today that we will have to pay for some extensive repairs on our home. Unforeseen and unavoidable expenses are just sort of the icing on a cake of other unforeseen and unavoidable expenses.I am frankly not sure how or wear that money will come from. It feels scary hanging out on that limb but we are going to trust Him. Thanks for the reminder.
    :) Gretch

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  12. You're writing has encouraged me! Thanks!

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I'm still learning how to be a joyful homemaker and I'd love to hear from you!

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