Hope in Midst of Questions

"How's Ed?"

It is the question that begins most conversations these past months. 

I don't mind the question. Ed's health is on the forefront of my mind, and I don't mind talking about it.

But I'm not always sure how to answer the question. 

I usually say that Ed is feeling well. And it is true. He is working full time. He hasn't had any seizures since the one in mid-May. He doesn't have headaches. He passes his neurological exams with flying colors. He has no weakness on either side which would be common after brain tumor resections like his. He didn't feel well on the days he took his medication, but that was only four days a month and his blood-work has been great.

He has been more tired, but by now we are used to his lack of energy. He can still enjoy most activities such as picnics, short walks, and games with the children as long as they are not too physically taxing. 

Some days, when I think of the last year, it feels like a miracle to have him present and enjoying life with us. I don't take a day for granted.

"How's Ed?"

Often Ed's doctors will pull me aside and ask "How's Ed" and I know they are asking about his emotional health. And I'm glad to say, "He's doing well."

All through the past year, Ed has been my rock. If he were angry or depressed - it would have been far harder for me. For all of us. We have our moments of frustration and misunderstandings, but we have had so many good days.

Peace - I call that a miracle.

But when I am asked how Ed was doing, there was always the looming question, What was going on that we couldn't see? What was happening inside his skull? Would we gain a reprieve of a few months? Or was those cancer cells busily multiplying? 

With Ed feeling well, I didn't even want to know.

Last week Ed had an MRI which told us what we didn't want to know. In the last two months, the cancer has actively regrown.

Because of the location that some of the tumor was found, his doctors are concerned that his tumor is morphing into a different variant of glioblastoma.

So on this Wednesday, June 27, Ed plans to go back to the hospital for a biopsy of this new spot to help determine his next treatment plan. He will have a needle biopsy, which should be far less intrusive than his past brain surgeries. If all goes as expected, Ed will return home the next day, but I still hate for him to be wheeled into the operating room yet again.

Please pray that Ed's surgery will go well. Pray that we'll have peace for the next step in this journey. Pray that we can continue to hold onto hope - both in this world and the next.

According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death. - Philippians 1:20