We can connect online, but we rarely have real conversations. Conversations need real voices with inflection and listening and context, even if they are sent by Facetime or a phone line.
A real relationship is two-way. You not only know them, but they know you.
I enjoy learning from people online—reading book reviews, trying recipes, and being inspired in my Christian walk– but those online personalities won’t point out inconsistency in my life or show up at my door with a meal when I am sick. They don’t know me. Only the bit of myself that I choose to show online.
Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17
Online relationships can be easier than the messy real-life relationships where people may have annoying habits and rub me the wrong way. On social media, I can choose who I interact with and just block or unfriend someone who I find annoying.
I’m grateful for my friends who use social media to say “When can we get together?” and then set a date and time instead of pretending that status updates will nourish our friendship.
We want community and we need it, and our phones can be a tool to connect us in good ways, but without deliberate attention, we won’t have the conversations that build community.
Today’s Challenge: Set a No Zone for your phone. Maybe “no phone at meals” or “no phone when I’m talking with a friend.” And we all know that we shouldn’t be on our phone while we are driving. You might need to get a little radical and hide it in your bedroom at dinner or lock it in the trunk when you are driving (if not using GPS). And at first it might make you feel a little twitchy to be away from your phone if you are used to having it in your pocket. But try it for a week before you give it up. You may find you love it and purposely lose your phone more often.
Thank you for this series, Gina. It’s such a needful topic in our day. I’ve passed a link to your blog to several friends because I think we moms can’t be too intentional about this issue. Thank you, again, from the bottom of my heart.
ReplyDeleteI leave my phone out of sight and on silent all morning as we do "learning time," house work, and get outside. It is immensely helpful not to see it - when I see it, I'm tempted just to check the screen for messages. It takes just a second, but it's another mental distraction and draws me away from what's in front of me - the pull is strong. I check email, return messages, and might do some research at "quiet time," and then in the afternoon I turn the sound on so I know when my husband is headed home. Clear phone boundaries have been so liberating - it frees my mind from wondering "maybe there's a message." I simply know it's not time for that, and I can be so much more focused. I realize this might sound severe and it would not work for many others, but I'm not a terribly "important" person, and I find it's not a problem at all to be "disconnected" for chunks of the day. I highly recommend it!
ReplyDeleteGood stuff here! I installed Your Hour recently. Its been kinda fascinating. At this point, I am not on as much as I thought I might be. Thats pretty fascinating!
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