I do wish I could write 2019 differently. I wish I could grow old with my husband. I wish I didn't have to watch Ed grow weaker every day, spending more hours sleeping than awake, barely aware of his surroundings. I wish I didn't have to order a hospital bed, discuss advanced directives, and figure out how to explain to a three-year-old that their daddy is going to die.
But I love the ending that God has written.
I've been reading through the last chapters of Revelations, and I copied few excerpts here for my reminder of God's ending to our story.
I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away...A few months after Ed's diagnosis he found a new-to-him hymn. It was so meaningful to him that he made copies of the hymn and took them to church so our congregation could learn it. I think now is the right time to share this hymn with you.
I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain...
And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new...
He that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be his God, and he shall be my son...
And I saw no temple therein: for the Lord God Almighty and the Lamb are the temple of it.
And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it: for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof...
And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb...and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life...
And there shall be no more curse...
And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.
(Revelations 21:1,3,4,5,7,22-23, 22:1-3,5)
I imagine that Ed is hearing the song and longing to join the redeemed around the throne of his king.
On Zion's Glorious Summit
by John Kent
On Zion’s glorious summit stood
A numerous host redeemed by blood!
They hymned their king in strains divine;
I heard the song and strove to join,
I heard the song and strove to join.
A numerous host redeemed by blood!
They hymned their king in strains divine;
I heard the song and strove to join,
I heard the song and strove to join.
Here all who suffered sword or flame
For truth, or Jesus’ lovely name,
Shout victory now and hail the Lamb,
And bow before the great I AM,
And bow before the great I AM.
For truth, or Jesus’ lovely name,
Shout victory now and hail the Lamb,
And bow before the great I AM,
And bow before the great I AM.
While everlasting ages roll,
Eternal love shall feast their soul,
And scenes of bliss, for ever new,
Rise in succession to their view,
Rise in succession to their view.
Eternal love shall feast their soul,
And scenes of bliss, for ever new,
Rise in succession to their view,
Rise in succession to their view.
Sanctus (after last verse)
Holy, holy, holy Lord,
God of hosts, on high adored!
Who like me Thy praise should sing,
O Almighty King!
Holy, holy, holy Lord,
God of hosts, on high adored!
Holy, holy, holy.
God of hosts, on high adored!
Who like me Thy praise should sing,
O Almighty King!
Holy, holy, holy Lord,
God of hosts, on high adored!
Holy, holy, holy.
As usual, you can listen to the song through the video below, but if viewing this
post by email click over to the blog.
post by email click over to the blog.
Gina, my heart hurts for you and your family. You seem to be so strong and have such a wonderful faith in God. I know you and your children will be strong and find happy days ahead. Know that you are in my prayers each and every day.
ReplyDeleteOh Gina! My heart aches for you. It sounds so cliche but you are in my prayers every day and night. This lovely song was introduced to our family when Dad was sick, and it gave him a powerful glimpse of the heaven he would soon be experiencing. Heaven will surely be worth it all! Praying that God would carry you tenderly through this dark valley. Hugs and tears!
ReplyDeleteYou're right, just exactly what our focus should always be, though it is hard on this earth - what a blessing to remember the end of all our stories. And while we're here, "Blessed be the Lord, because He has heard the voice of my supplications! The Lord is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped." Psalm 28:6-7. - Suz
ReplyDeleteOh Gina, my heart absolutely is breaking for you. I wish I lived closer to you so I can come give you a hug. And let you cry on my shoulder. The hymn is beautiful. It's new to me also.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful hymn. Continued prayers for you & your family, that God will provide strength, comfort, and peace during these days.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful gift that the Holy Spirit speaks to our spirits, encouraging us and reminding us of the wonders to come in the midst of our sorrows and trials. We can have joy in the middle of grief, and all praise to God for that! He is our wonderful Father, Lord and Comforter.
ReplyDeletePraying for strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow, Gina!
Tears. May the God of the everlasting arms hold you continually. ❤❤
ReplyDeleteSweet Gina my heart is just breaking for you and the children I can't imagine telling a three year old that her Daddy won't be with them anymore. And I'm so sorry that you have to go through this but I hope you know that you are not going through it alone. I am not sure what to say and sometimes in situations they are very difficult there is nothing that can be said. I just want you to know I am only a little bit away from you and I can drive to your doorstep anytime you need company anytime you need help with anything and that you have a good friend in me the Lord is with you and with Ed and I know he is slowly passing, but I think of the Wonder he'll get to see and experience and that as my pastor said last Sunday our loved ones who are gone look down upon us from heaven. I love you and I'm here for you lots of hugs and love and may all of God's love surround you and your family and give you the right hope and strength and Grace to get through the coming months and days whatever they may be.
ReplyDeleteWas reminded yesterday that when children skin their knee or something even more painful, a parents' hug, kiss, and sympathy helps to make the pain less important. Keep running to your Father. This is a deep pain, not just a skinned knee that will be better in a day or two. But the love of the Father will help to keep the pain in perspective. Sarah
ReplyDelete"...Figure out how to explain to a 3 year old that their daddy is going to die"...it is about this that I pray very specifically for you all. I pray that your children could trust in God's goodness...but oh how we adults even struggle with that! The hymn you shared is very moving. It deeply touched my Dad as he waited for his eternal freedom from cancer. For that reason I still cannot listen to it, but it is very beautiful. Prayers & tears & love for you all!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this hymn with us today. It is new to me also. My prayers continue to be raised to the Father who holds us all in His hands. My heart hurts for you. Although we may never meet this side of Heaven, He has made us people of compassion and love and you are my sister. I long to ease your pain in these very, very difficult days.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Betsy
Praying for strength and wisdom as you make these decisions and go through this time. I grew up singing this song and it is still a favorite. In the midst of sorrow it is a blessing to know what awaits us at the end of our days and that we will be together with our loved ones again.
ReplyDeleteGina, So so sorry that Ed is slowly fading away. Thank you for sharing this journey on your blog. Truly my heart is encouraged and inspired by your faith and the way you are choosing faith in God. Margretta
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you and your family. I have been following your story since the beginning and know only too well the pain, worry, and exhaustion you are going through. My son is an adult with special needs and very limited understanding. He is in some ways much like a 3 year old. When his Daddy was passing away, I told him that Daddy's angel was going to come out and would be going to Heaven. I explained that this was a very happy time for Daddy and that someday our angels would come out too and then we would see Daddy again in Heaven. I told him that Daddy didn't need his body anymore so that is why he is buried. He seemed to understand this and was happy for his Daddy. I hope this helps in some small way. It is so difficult to explain these things without putting too much on their little shoulders. May God comfort you all in the times ahead.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. We have never met but we are sisters in Christ. You are in my prayers. Romans 12:15 Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep. Chris W.
ReplyDeleteOh, Gina....how are hearts continue to ache for you, Ed and your entire family! We love you and continue to pray that you will feel God's arms of love holding you up during this hard journey. ~Randy & Eunice
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder that we will not have to mourn for Ed, but for ourselves and you and your family. Thank you for being an example of God's grace working in you. It gives us hope for the future. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteYes! On Zion's glorious summit. I watched my grandmother who raised me fade away with Alzheimer's and strokes (she was the most active person I've ever known, always doing and helping) - it was awful watching her be frustrated at not being able to do the things she wanted - and then eventually she wasn't 'there' enough to be frustrated, but thank God I knew that she was going to the place that she had longed for, where the frustrations and sickness were gone! None of us here knows when our own time will come.
ReplyDeleteI have been praying for your family over the many months. I pray that God will send many people to lift your family up and support you all during this time.
ReplyDeleteGod's precious love to you and your family, Helena
The hymn is new to me but the words are so meaningful. I have never walked the path you are on but I will continue to lift you and your family up to the throne of Grace to God who understands what you are going through!! Continued prayers!
ReplyDeleteDear Gina
ReplyDeletepraying for you for God's peace and strength for you all in these times. I am so glad that you are blessed with such a loving family supporting you all as you care for Ed. Thank you for even though it must be so hard to post to write for us to read, you are inspirational in how a Christian should live when all you can do is trust God. I live in the uk so can only offer my prayers.
Blessings and hugs
shelley p
from over the pond
Praying for you and your family everyday! Hope you continue in the strength that only God can give.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering if you had a hospital be yet. Yes, these are things that sometimes occur to us nurses. Such hard steps heading to a day we do not want. It seems that "Home Joys" is right now, Home Sorrows. Gina, we sorrow with you, far away, strangers, yet we do.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I think of 10,000 years from now, when there will be no sorrow whatsoever. All of creation longs for that. Our hearts long to be HOME with the Savior where there is JOY unspeakable.
But, there are hard days between now and then. And, so we continue to think of you, to pray for all of you.
H Gina. I have never posted before, but always love to read your posts and subscribe to your page. I am always so encouraged by your strength and ability to see things as always abounding in hope and the love of Jesus, despite the trials that this life brings. I am praying for you, Ed and your entire family as you enter into this new chapter. Praying that the Lord is blessing Ed with rest and peace during this time, and a peace that surpasses all understanding in your heart.
ReplyDelete-Taylor T.
There is something about the dark valley that you are walking through. Difficult yes, but because of Jesus, it is also sacred.
ReplyDeleteMuch love and prayers for each of you.
For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death. whit love karin.
ReplyDeleteThey are wonderful verses in revelations, and what a beautiful hymn. Keeping you and all your family close in prayer, as I know all these dear ladies are that read your blog, I know we are all trying to give you strength and our love for what is ahead. Gods blessings on you all sue x
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts for your pain. I lost my Dad when I was 4 years old. May God sustain you!!
ReplyDeleteMay I say, Beautiful? You are walking on holy ground these days, and it is evident the Lord is walking with you. May His tender love continue to lift your gaze to heaven!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and your family Gina. May God continue to hold you in these days. -Caroline
ReplyDeleteSomehow you made this post beautiful, Gina.
ReplyDeleteI love that hymn.
Love and prayers.
Praying for you dear Gina. I just wanted to wish you a blessed mother's day, and may the Lord give you strenght, wisdom and peace during this time.
ReplyDeleteLove is much stronger than death.
ReplyDeletePraying. Marion
We lost my father in law to cancer last month, two months before that my dad was diagnosed with cancer as well and the prognosis doesn't look good. I know it's not the same as watching your husband wither away, but I can relate to so many of the things that you have shared and I want to thank you. So many of your experiences have been echoed here. I will pray for your family for the coming weeks and beyond. I am so grateful that you have such a wonderfully supportive family and community of believers. My children and I will be happy to lift you before the throne that your beloved husband is longing to bow before.
ReplyDeleteAfter fighting leukemia for awhile, my grandpa came home for 3 weeks before being readmitted to the hospital, which he eventually left to go into the arms of his savior. Those 3 weeks home were such a blessing to my grandma. She said he sang Rock of Ages much of the time.
ReplyDelete"Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From Thy riven side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save me from its guilt and power.
While I draw this fleeting breath,
When mine eyes shall close in death,
When I soar to worlds unknown,
See Thee on Thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in Thee."
Once, he stopped, turned to my grandma, and said, I'm ready.
I feel he too imagined himself singing with the heavenly chorus in the presence of His Lord and felt nothing but peace that the Lord was calling him home. My grandma said this is what gave her that final acceptance as well.
Praying for you all.
I pray for you and your family daily. The study of Revelation has helped me to see death in a very different light also. Thanking God for His word that we have to hold on to.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful song and message. I admire your honesty and courage so much. Praying for you. I can't imagine what you are experiencing but I know myself in my own struggles - it does help knowing how the "story" ends.
ReplyDeleteWords are so small at a time like this, but I just want you to know I'm praying for you all, Gina. It's 2 months now since a young man in our fellowship passed from cancer, and the things your write resonate with me as I remember walking that journey, in a measure, with his family. The hope and power of the resurrection is a great comfort. God will be with you in the hard things to come; He is with you now, it's evident. I check your blog every day, and pray for you. Much love and prayers...
ReplyDeleteMary Beth Martin
Joining with so many others in praying for you and your family each day. Your testimony glows with the grace of God in your life. Thanks for letting us get a glimpse of it.
ReplyDeleteHere's another meaningful recording of "On Zion's Glorious Summit" that you might enjoy:
https://youtu.be/PGDzlA6JvyY
This is one of my favorites! So victorious, so fulfilling, so wonderful! Anything we face in our earthly life is nothing, compared to the glory that awaits us. The battle is already won. We stand with the Victor, we will share His amazing glory! Praise God!
ReplyDelete