Newton's Law and Prayer

Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object at rest stays at rest until acted upon by force.

I didn't plan to prove a law of physics the last few weeks, but I'm finding it hard to get back into blogging.

The past month has been hard. And I don't like to write about hard things.

Some of you have contacted me saying that you hope I'm quiet because I'm having fun with my family, but, just in case, you are praying.

Thank you. I've needed prayer.

I keep thinking about the post I wrote about asking for prayer for the things heaviest on our heart. So many of you have held us up in prayer this past year, and I know you are a safe place for me.

But this past month I was afraid that if I shared how things were at our house I'd spill out something like "Brain cancer is hard on a marriage." Or "I feel like I'm losing Ed by slow inches."

I'd rather write a book review.

Last month's MRI had showed what we thought was inflammation caused by scar tissue. We had decided to give it time to heal before trying more treatment.

Ed continued to feel well as far as no pain or headaches, but his fatigue increased. He struggled to concentrate which made it difficult to work or even hold a conversation. These symptoms are common for those with a brain tumor in the frontal lobe, but it was frightening to feel like I was losing Ed as his personality changed.

Brain cancer is brutal. It is not content to affect one area. Because the brain is the control center of the whole body, it can affect the whole being. For Ed it means that no longer does he have the motivation to conquer projects and initiate new ideas. Because of his distraction, he needs help to work through even common tasks.

Thankfully his memory has not been affected. We still have so much to enjoy, and I have blessings to count. But I also worry about the future and grieve our losses.

This week was Ed's monthly battery of tests as part of the research study he is participating in. On Tuesday we spent the day at the clinical center moving from one floor to the next for his MRI and other tests. We had planned to meet with his doctor the next morning, but before we left for the day, Ed's doctor told us she had time to discuss his MRI. There did not appear to be a huge change in the tumor (thank you, Lord) but the swelling had increased significantly. While it is impossible to know exactly if the inflammation is caused by the tumor or scar tissue, the signs point to scar tissue. Because of Ed's other symptoms the doctor immediately put Ed on a higher dose of steroid for the night and planned to discuss our further options in the morning with the rest of the team.

Instead of fighting rush hour traffic only to return to the city in the morning, we decided to spend the night at a hotel down the street. We were able to relax, enjoying window shopping in the ritzy shopping district. We try to make the best possible use of our "doctor dates."

In the morning we met with Ed's team of doctors. We decided to give Ed several doses of an infusion of a medicine that acts as a super-steroid. Typically this medicine works quickly to reduce swelling that is caused by scar tissue. Sometimes it can take weeks to get approval for this medicine, but Ed has amazing doctors. Ed was able to get his first dose in the afternoon before we even left the hospital.

This was the first time Ed has received any of his cancer treatment by IV, but it went well. A special blessing was that we had a Christian nurse to do the infusion. She told us that she prays each night for the patients she will have the next day.

I think we are already seeing some positive results of the medication. Ed seems a little more alert the past two days. Ed plans to get another infusion in three weeks and will probably have a total of four infusions. We pray that he'll continue to improve, and the side effects will be minimal.

So now you know why it meant so much to hear from a number of you this week. When I feel too weak to pray, God sends others to pray for us. Medical decisions are never easy - especially for someone like me who spends hours reading about drugs and their side effects. But once again we felt carried by God and knew His amazing peace.

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.
Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. (Psalm 46:1-3, 10-11)