Saturday, June 22, 2019

In His Own Words


A few months ago I found a document in our computer that I didn't know existed. Two years ago, a few weeks after Ed's brain cancer diagnosis, Ed had written these words. 

I edited this a little, changing some verb tenses and sentence order, but otherwise these words are Ed's.

After my tumor surgery, I did not have a lot of thinking power, and I did not spend a lot of time thinking about what caused the tumor. I know others were thinking a lot about it, but it did not concern me in the least. I guess I was still in a fog from the surgery. 

A few days after I was home, the doctor called Gina to let her know the outcome of the biopsy. I remember Gina calling me back to our room and telling me about the report. Glioblastoma meant nothing to me at the time, but she said that it was an aggressive cancer. A few more days went by until I was coherent enough to want to know more about it. I googled it and was surprised to know how serious it really was. Wikipedia said life span was normally 12-16 months. That is when it really hit me, and I did not read too much more that day. 

But through this time, I still felt a great sense of peace and assurance that God was in control. I was waking up really early in the morning because of the steroid that I was taking, so I had a lot of time to read. I read through 1 and 2 Peter and highlighted verses that talked about trials and suffering. Those verses became a footing for me through some of those days. I felt so weak physically, as well as emotionally, but these verses helped. 

Verses like this:
Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: (1 Peter 1:6-8)

He speaks of trials only lasting for a short time until Jesus appears. Even though we cannot see him now, we still believe that He is using this for our good and we can rejoice in that goodness. We have so many signs of God's goodness to us, not only through our personal peace and comfort of the scriptures, but also physical blessings of my recovery and people blessing us. We have lots of cards and financial gifts, people assuring of their prayers on our behalf, and providing childcare and meals.

I talked to the children about what cancer could mean for me and how I might not have long to live. I told them that we were going to try to enjoy our days together and not be bitter or angry toward God. There are many things that I am not strong enough to do, like playing ball or going for bike rides but we spend a lot of time together at home. Paige and Haven learned to enjoy climbing onto my lap with a book. I cherish those times with them thinking that they might not remember me.

Conversations with people are much easier to turn to a spiritual topics when you share about your limited life expectancy. Even as Christians, we sometimes shrink from talking about death but if our focus is on the eternal reward, it should come natural. I find that I have more time to talk to people as my priorities change.

- Ed Martin (written summer 2017)

This morning I'm grieving with our friends Galen and Patricia. Their teenage daughter Amanda was diagnosed with a rare and fatal heart disease this past winter. Last week they moved to Toronto to be near the hospital so Amanda could get on the heart transplant list. But last night God chose to give Amanda a new heart. 

24 comments :

  1. What a wonderful gift to find. Ed’s words.

    As someone who loves to write, words mean so much to me. I would have loved find that!

    Praying for you still and your friends who lost their daughter.

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  2. How precious to have this document of Ed's words, after he is gone! I'm sure it will also be meaningful to your children in years to come. And I'm sorry to hear about Amanda's passing. I follow her father's blog; their family made so many sacrifices to seek health for her. This would be quite a blow! And yet... she is now safe in the arms of Jesus, and there is comfort.

    Mary Beth Martin

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  3. This is a blessing to read, Gina. Thank you for sharing...

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  4. I wish I had half your strength. You are a remarkable woman and you will be a great joy to your children.

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  5. I only discovered your blog last week when I was searching for a sourdough recipe. I found much more. I feel as if I’ve found a new Christian friend. Though we’ve never met, and probably never will this side of Glory, I will pray for you and your family, as well as the family of this young lady. Although you are all hurting and miss your loved ones, you have the assurance of seeing them again. May God richly bless you as you continue spreading the Gospel.

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  6. Thank you so much for sharing Ed's thoughts, Gina. My prayers are still for your family as you reconstruct your life now. God bless you all.

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  7. How very special to find these words from your hubby!!
    So sorry about Amanda. Will go and read this blog and pray for this family. Lots of hurting people in this world to pray for and encourage. Prayers continue as you deal with the responsibilities of you family.

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  8. Gina, every time I read your blog I am richly blessed!! You are a wonderful Mom, & now having Ed's words to cherish and share with you children will be a huge blessing. Just looking at your picture is a blessing & grows my faith. Thanks so much for sharing all of your life. I keep you in my prayers. Mary Ann

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  9. So sorry to read about Amanda. We live very close to this family and have been praying for them. Our whole town will be grieving with them.

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  10. Thanks for sharing these words your hubby wrote !!
    Sorry for your friends Galen & Patricia. Such a shock for this family........they are dealing with unfilled expectations:(
    I enjoyed reading their blog

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  11. How Precious!!! With his life Ed left behind a Godly legacy and his written words confirm it.

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  12. What precious words from Ed for you to be able to share with your children in the future. I love how he was thinking of all of you through this.
    I will also be praying for your friends. So hard for the family left behind, as you well know.
    Blessings,
    Betsy

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  13. Thank you for sharing those words Ed wrote. They will continue to be a comfort to you. Praying or your friends in the loss of their daughter. Continued prayers for you and your family!

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  14. That is a great testimony. I'm sure it helps you to remember Ed as he was and not so much as the disease made him.

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  15. Gina I got all weepy when I read that letter but oh how precious that is. I think the Lord wanted you to find it at the right time.
    Keeping you all in prayer.

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  16. the warmfireplaceJune 23, 2019 at 9:20 AM

    What a wonderful gift Ed's words are to you all, such strength of faith in those words. Keeping you all and Galen and Patricia in my prayers. Sue x

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  17. I have wanted to write all along as you have walked this difficult path of sorrow.But what could I possibly say that would in any way ease your trial? It is evident to all who read that you and Ed have answered the clarion call of the Savior to strong faith in Him.Your words, the hymns & messages of the funeral service, and now these words of Ed's, remind us all that "without faith it is impossible to please Him." May God bless you richly as you now have to face your life in a new way.

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  18. Gina Ed's words and thoughts we're just beautiful and I am so glad he had the time that he did with the children and with you I know he is in heaven with his new body free of pain and waiting on you and the children to join him and our savior I can't wait until the savior comes back to the Earth and takes us all home to be with our loved ones that have gone before us. I hope you and the children are getting along okay, and I am very sorry to hear about your friends' daughter Amanda, God must have needed her to make heaven and even more beautiful place.

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  19. Gina, I'm so glad for these beautiful words from Ed. What a gift from God to cherish and to share with others. I'm continuing to pray for you.

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  20. Thank you for sharing Eds words, what a blessing for you to find.Wishing Gods peace to you and your children and I will continue to keep you in my daily prayers.

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  21. I just started reading your blog a few weeks ago. I am so very sorry for your loss, Gina... for you, the children, family and friends. I cannot imagine the heartache. It's reassuring to know that you will be with him again someday. How wonderful that you have his words to bless you at this time. We keep you and the children in our prayers here. Blessings to all of you. ♥

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  22. P.S. I will be keeping Galen and Patricia in prayer, too... we will lift them high to the Lord for comfort and peace. ♥

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  23. What a beautiful gift to find these words from Ed! Thank you for sharing them with us, and I know you & your children will always cherish them and the wisdom he shared.

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  24. I stumbled upon your blog several months ago after following a pin about baking. As a young woman who's mother has stage 4 cancer, I wanted to say that your entries have been rather therapeutic for me. <3 - Cynthia (cynthialoewenblog.com)

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